July 1, 2002
LifeWay Explore the Bible Series for July 14
David's family illustrates impact of sexual abuse
___ 2 Samuel 13:1-2, 6-15, 19-22
___By Roy Cotton
___BGCT DFW/Metroplex Church Starting Center Consultant
___Sexual abuse, particularly incest, brings disgrace and shame on the victim and the family. Everyone knows that it is condemned and yet we are told that it is more prevalent in our society than most of us would ever imagine. The sad thing about this subject is that, even in the church, there is silence.
___The 13th chapter of 2 Samuel addresses the uncomfortable subject in the unit series on David--lessons on faith and frailty, trouble in the family. There are parallels to the adulterous affair between David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11) and the rape of Tamar: Both men were attracted to the beauty of the women involved. David was driven by lust for Bathsheba (11:2). Amnon lusted after his sister, Tamar (13:1). David brought Bathsheba to his bedroom chamber (11:4). Amnon
lured Tamar into his bedroom (13:10). As Nathan condemned David's sin, Tamar tried to reason with Amnon on the sinfulness of his act.
___Frustration
___Amnon was the first-born son of King David, born while David was in Hebron (2 Samuel 3:2). Therefore, Amnon was the heir-apparent to the throne of his father. The firstborn sons of Israel enjoyed the right of the firstborn. In the event of his father's death, he would receive "a double portion of all that he has, for he is the beginning of his strength; to him belongs the right of the firstborn" (Deuteronomy 21:17).
___Instead of looking forward to inheriting the royal throne, Amnon was "frustrated to the point of illness" because he was in love with his half-sister, Tamar (vv. 1-2). He knew that it was impossible for him to express his love for her because the Law forbade marriage between a man and his sister (Leviticus 18:11; 20:17; Deuteronomy 27:22). His frustration was the result of the hopelessness of how to fulfill his desires. It seems obvious from the passage that he kept his thoughts to himself.
___Deception
___Amnon hid his feelings as long as he could, until Jonadab, his "friend," found out why he looked "so haggard morning after morning" (vv. 3-4). The writer identifies Jonadab as "a very shrewd man" (v. 3). Jonadab devised a scheme that would manipulate David into coming to Amnon's residence and permitting Tamar to come and care for her brother (vv. 6-7).
___Parents should be reminded that peers are very influential in our children's lives. Christian parents should reassure their children that they are approachable for any concern. If they cannot speak to us about issues that matter to them, from whom will they seek advice? Others do not always have their best interests in mind.
___Jonadab advised Amnon to "pretend to be ill" (v. 5). This was only for Amnon to get a visit from his father. Then he could ask his father to let his sister Tamar come and prepare special bread for him. David did not suspect the tragedy that occurred. It is uncertain what Jonadab had in mind, but it was not wise advice. The manipulated situation provided an opportunity for Amnon to be alone in his private residence with the woman he loved.
___Domination
___Amnon committed this extremely heinous act against his sister. Amnon overpowered his sister. His actions were that of a madman. He would not listen to the helpless pleadings of the young girl. Tamar tried to appeal to his moral and religious obligations. She said "no" as loudly as she could. Notice all the "don'ts" of her appeal: "Don't, my brother, don't force me. Don't do this wicked thing" (v. 12). Then she reminded him of the Law, that "such a thing should not be done in Israel" (v. 12). She asked him to think about her (Leviticus 18:11). Where could she go (v. 13)? Finally she appealed to his own conscience: "And what about you" (v. 13)?
___Amnon cared nothing about Tamar. He showed utter contempt for his own future as heir-apparent. This violent act was for his satisfaction for the moment.
___Consequences
___Her own brother had victimized Tamar. She did not hide the abuse.
___Even though she wore the beautiful robe of royal virginity given her by David, she tore it, put ashes on her head and wept loudly as she went to the home of her brother, Absalom (v. 19).
___Although David was furious when he heard the news, he did nothing about it (v. 21). Absalom became her protector and provider (vv. 20, 22). The consequences of this disgraceful act were family hatred, revenge, estrangement and, ultimately, murder.
___Questions for discussion
___ What services are available in your church and community for victims of sexual abuse?
___ Is your church aware of Buckner Children & Family Services in locations throughout Texas, including Dallas, Longview, Lufkin, Beaumont, Amarillo and Lubbock?
___ Would you volunteer as an organizer for a True Love Waits rally in your church or association?
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