August 19, 2002
CYBERCOLUMN:
Roses, thorns and silken twine
___By John Duncan
___I'm sitting here under the old oak tree, reflecting on life's roller-coaster emotions. The renowned English poet William Blake once captured the essence of these emotions in words: "Joy & Woe are woven fine, A Clothing for the Soul divine; Under every grief & pine Runs a joy with silken twine."
John Duncan
___Life races with movements, twists and turns where you hang on for dear life, days where life's common thread produces grief and joy.
___My wife, Judy and I have been married for 20 years. We recently celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. I took her to a real fancy restaurant, one with silver forks and many choices of forks. "Work from the outside in," I heard my mom saying in my mind as I reached for the first fork. We both ordered Caesar salad and chicken-fried steak. My mind works in strange ways, but it occurred to me that Caesar, a Roman conqueror of history, and salad did not seem to go together. And it floated through my mind that there was no "chicken" in our chicken-fried steak, but rather a breaded veal cutlet. We ate a place called the Nutt House and enjoyed ourselves immensely. I paid the bill, which was no small task.
___I then decided I would do something romantic. I drove my wife to Home Depot, where we promptly purchased anniversary gifts. I bought her a three-foot stepladder. She needed the stepladder to reach grand heights of stuff placed in the cupboard and to wipe the ceiling fans when they collect dust. She bought me a six-foot utility ladder. I needed a ladder to hang Christmas lights in December, to wash windows in April and to change light bulbs all year 'round. She despises living in the dark. We do not usually buy practical gifts such as these, but on your 20th wedding anniversary, it pays to go against the grain. Our 20th wedding anniversary radiated with pure joy. Our anniversary produced a simple, nostalgic emotion-pure joy!
___In the midst of Blake's accuracies about life, he also described our anniversary's dark side. In more recent weeks, we discovered Judy has breast cancer. Strangely enough, we learned of this news on the crest of a roller-coaster ride of thrill and excitement. Our church relocated and moved into a new building. How exciting! Everything was coming up roses—baptisms, church attendance, a growing church in a changing community. Then when the ride reached its apex, doctors who poked and prodded and tested and re-tested informed us that my wife possessed in her body nasty little cells called cancer. The roses sprouted thorns! A simple, dreaded emotion erupted like thunder and lightning against a dark Texas sky—pure grief.
___Life weaves many threads. On the day of birth, someone ties a pink or blue ribbon on a package in honor of both your arrival and your gender. On the day of your graduation from school, educators tie a black ribbon around your diploma. On the day of your first job, your new boss explains all the essential elements of employment, as if to say, "Don't forget these things." You might want to tie a string around your finger so that you do not forget. On days of joy—birthdays, weddings and anniversaries—ribbons wrap around gifts of gladness. On days of grief, ribbons wave in the wind as they hang from flower arrangements and decorated sprays. Twine holds the world together. That William Blake, he was on to something!
___Saint Augustine once spoke of his grief: "What agony I suffered, my God! How I cried out in grief, while my heart was in labor! But, unknown to me, you were there, listening." I have decided lo these twenty years of marriage that a common thread weaves through our lives, in the past, present, and future; the thread of God’s listening love. The poet of the eighteenth century, John Milton, gently spoke of God's listening love in grief, "Oft he seems to hide his face, but unexpectantly returns...."
___So here I am under the old oak tree pondering anniversaries and surgeries, absorbing God's listening love and waiting in silence with a pounding heart of love for my wife. Lo these twenty years deliver both joy and grief, but as always we're hanging on to Jesus, our common thread, knowing that his grace reinforces the sufficiency of his strength. And, somehow, somehow, we're discovering the grief of joy and the joy of grief. Thank you for your love, Jesus. And, Judy, if you read this, I love you! May God's Soul Divine with silken twine give strength in these roller coaster days! I cannot wait until you can use that step ladder again!
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