August 5, 2002
CYBERCOLUMN:
A punster's guide to the Bible
___By Brett Younger
___Every now and then, I hear a riddle that is sort of about the Bible, and I, with my limited intellect, find it amusing. They're usually awful little jokes, so corny that they're embarrassing, but I know other people of limited intellect find them amusing, too. I think about putting those riddles into sermons, but I'm pretty sure that's inappropriate. I know … I can send them to the Baptist Standard.
___How were Adam and Eve prevented from gambling? God took away their paradise.
___Who introduced the first walking stick? Eve, when she gave Adam a little Cain.
___What did Adam and Eve dowhen they were expelled from the garden? They raised Cain.
Brett Younger
___What excuse did Adam give his children as to why they no longer lived in Eden? "Your mother ate us out of house and home."
___Why couldn't Cain please God with his offering? He just wasn't Abel.
___Where did Noah strike the first nail in the ark? On the head.
___What did Noah say while he was loading all the animals on the Ark? "Now I herd everything."
___Which of the United States is mentioned in the Bible? Arkansas. "Noah looked off the ark and saw."
___Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
___What kind of lights did they have on the ark? They had floodlights.
___How do we know Abraham was smart? He knew a Lot.
___When do they play tennis in the Bible? When Joseph serves in Pharaoh's court.
___Where is medicine first mentioned in scripture? When God gave Moses two tablets.
___What simple affliction caused Samson's death? Fallen arches.
___What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? Ruthless.
___So what person in the Bible spoke as a baby? Job. He cursed the day he was born.
___Where is deviled ham mentioned in scripture? When the evil spirits enter the swine.
___What's the sharpest book in the Bible? Acts.
___What do John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common? The same middle name.
___What did Jesus have in common with the fish that swallowed Jonah? Jesus had dinner with a sinner and the fish had a sinner for dinner.
___ A man spent his life trying to do right. He did lots of work for the church and took his responsibilities seriously. People admired his dedication. Then he fell gravely ill and had a dream. He saw an angel beside his bed. He asked, "What have you come for?"
___The angel said, "I've come to take you home."
___ "And is it a joyful world I'm going to?"
___ "It's a joyful world you're leaving."
___ And the man thought, "I missed the joy." So he said to the angel, "I haven't seen much joy in the world I'm leaving."
___ The angel replied, "Then I'm afraid you won't know much joy in the world to which you're going."
___ The man asked for more time to discover the joy of life. And God granted it to him.
___ Enjoy the meals you share. Say thank you to more people more often. Learn something. Walk. Swim. Read. Write. Listen. Play an instrument. Play cards. Play basketball. Just play. Enjoy the church and let the church enjoy you.
___ Brett Younger is pastor of Broadway Baptist Church in Fort Worth.
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