January 20, 2003

CYBERCOLUMN:
Without church
___By Brett Younger
___Without church …
___There would be no Baptist Standard.
___Most men would never sing in public sober.
___Deacons would be regular people.
___Baptisteries would be hot tubs.
___Stained-glass manufacturers, organ companies and Welch's would be out of business.
___Weddings would be shorter.
___Fewer ties and uncomfortable shoes in the closet.
___We'd seldom get up early on Sunday morning or miss a 12 noon kickoff.
___We'd have to buy our own coffee on Sundays.
___"Sunday School" would sound like "summer school".
___Many of us would have 10 percent more spending money.
___Blue laws would be even goofier.
___We'd eat at home on Wednesdays.
___The phrase "food, fun and fellowship" would never have been coined.
___Fewer people would experience the joy of being on a committee.
___Missionaries would dress like tourists.
___No books would have zippered covers.
___Offering plates would be really nice pasta dishes.
___Rosaries would just be beads.
___Lent would always be spelled "lint."
___Fewer women named Mary and boys named Joseph.
___Every softball league would involve beer.
___Church mice would just be little rats.
___Christmas tree farms would be real farms.
___Manheim Steamroller would play Arbor Day tunes.
___TCU would be TU.
___The Mitford series would be about a genial small-town unemployed guy.
___Bach would have had nothing to write about.
___St. Valentine would be Mr. Valentine.
___The New Orleans Saints would have a more fitting nickname.
___Lottie Moon would never have left Virginia.
___Fanny Crosby would have written Hallmark cards.
___Grady Nutt wouldn't have been nearly so funny.
___Anne Lamott would write depressing books.
___Amy Grant wouldn't be on those K-Mart commercials.
___My mother would have about 30 more hours of free time each week
___Youth ministers would be cruise directors.
___Church secretaries would have high-paying jobs.
___Pastors would be working the drive-through.
___You wouldn't be reading this column.
___Fewer hospitals, universities and kind people.
___More wars, hatred and hungry people.
___Less hope, peace, joy and love.


Brett Younger is pastor of Broadway Baptist Church in Fort Worth




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