The Influence of a Christian Father
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__This week's column will be a departure from the typical He Said/She Said. Because of the death of Mark's dad, Jack Wingfield, from lung cancer Oct. 12, "she said" yields her space to "he said" for the comments Mark gave at his Dad's memorial service. We hope you find this a fitting tribute to a Christian father.
__The last two weeks have been some of the most trying times of our life as a family. Yet within this pain, some moments of profound sweetness have cropped up. Chief among them was the opportunity for Mother and me to say goodbye to Dad and for him to say goodbye to us.
__Mother was right, of course, when she declared on the way home from the oncologist's office in August that "People who drop dead of a heart attack don't know how lucky they are." Death by cancer is not something you would wish for anyone. The silver lining in this dark cloud, however, is that we had time to wrap things up with love. W
hile Dad was still lucid, we shared embraces and words of gratitude for a life well lived.
__My hope today is to elaborate on this thought and draw attention to the influence Dad had on me and on others. To do this will lead us into a talk about character. Some of us are characters, but Dad was a person who had character.
__ I was reminded of this one day last week when I slipped away from the hospice unit for a break and went to one of the local YMCAs. There, they displayed posters from the "Character Counts" program, each one highlighting a virtue we try to instill in our children. Viewing these posters, I realized these very words describing good character are the words I would use to describe Dad and his influence.
__This is not to say Dad was perfect; he was not. But at his core, he embodied the very essence of what it means to be a "good" person, a person of character. Here are some examples:
__ Courage. I don't know of any time in his life that Dad was fearful to do the right thing. As a 16 year old, he enlisted in the United States Army, undaunted by the fact that he was underage. He faced all of life and work with courage. Given his raising as the youngest of 10 in a Depression-era family where his Mother died before he was old enough to know her, it would have been easy for Dad to turn out far differently than he did. But he marched on and made something good of his life, despite his humble background. With that same courage, he faced the onslaught of cancer.
__ Truthfulness. I guess we have to acknowledge that Dad lied about his age to enlist in the Army, but that's the only example I can come up with of him purposely misrepresenting the truth. Maybe it's because Dad simply wasn't a good liar. Or maybe it's because his conscience was so strong that he knew he'd end up telling the truth before long anyway. My boys, and the boys I have the privilege of leading through Scouts, know that truthfulness is big deal to me. I have often told Luke and Garrett, "It's bad enough to do something wrong, but it's even worse to lie about it." That thought is not original with me. It is wonderful lesson I learned from my Dad. Truth matters.
__ Trustworthiness. It is sometimes said of a person, "His word is his bond." That may be a cliché, but it perfectly describes Jack Wingfield. If Dad said he would do something, he would do it. You could go to the bank on that. I realize that is a rare quality for a salesman, which he was for several decades. However, it is a quality that endeared him to his clients. They knew Dad would shoot straight with them and deliver what he promised. This also was demonstrated in Dad's faithfulness to Mother and to me.
__ Integrity. Truthfulness and trustworthiness certainly make up part of integrity, but Dad demonstrated more than that. He genuinely wanted to do the right thing. He was not a gossip. He did not instigate trouble for other people. He sought to be a peacemaker in his own way. He was quick to forgive, and he tried to see the best in everyone.
__ Dedication. Dad was an incredibly tenacious person. We saw evidence of that as he fought against the cancer that consumed his body. But this was a quality that he embodied from the start. When Dad set his mind to do something, you could be certain that it would be done well. One of the maxims he drilled in me from a young age is that "if something's worth doing, it's worth doing right."
__ Kindness. Anyone who lived or worked around Dad for long would no doubt describe him as a kind person. He had a temper, to be sure, but his kind spirit generally snuffed out any angry outbursts. If Dad had a significant fault, it might have been that he was too kind. Not quite to the point of being gullible, but certainly to the point of going the extra mile many a time.
__Friendliness. Along with kindness, Dad epitomized friendliness. In his latter years, he became more isolated and less sociable in some ways, but he never lost his friendliness. He could strike up a conversation with just about anyone. He was a pleasant person to be around--as long as you didn't make him sit still too long.
__ Love. During Dad's last week or so of life, he uttered some profound truths often followed by utter nonsense. Apparently, the tumor in his brain was blinking in and out on his ability to be coherent. At one of these moments, he said to Mother, "I wonder why we have such a loving family?" Then he followed up with, "But I think people in California have more love." I don't know where that last part came from, but he was right about the first part. The love in our family has, in large measure, originated from Dad. He was not the most verbally expressive person of his feelings, but you knew beyond a doubt that he loved you.
__Godliness. Above all, Dad developed into a godly person. He was no theologian, but he was a dedicated follower of God. For as long as he was lucid and physically able, he read his Bible and prayed every day. I know he prayed for me and for many of you. I was raised in a home where going to church was simply the thing we did--no questions asked. What he learned at church and through prayer and Bible reading, he applied to his life without embarrassment. I never will forget the day I left home, an 18-year-old headed back to Oklahoma in my little yellow car overloaded with most of my of worldly possessions. As we stood on the driveway in the early morning light, Dad insisted that we pray together. He prayed for my safety and direction in life, and he blessed me.
__ Today, we stand here together on a different kind of symbolic driveway. We are waving goodbye to Dad as he journeys into the loving arms of God in heaven. Following the example he set, we bless him, we thank God for his life and we trust God to keep him through all eternity.
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PREVIOUS HE SAID/ SHE SAID COLUMNS:
2001: 1/1, 1/8, 1/22, 2/5, 2/12, 3/5, 4_19, 4/2, 4/23, 5/14 6/11, 6/25, 7/9, 7/23, 8/13, 9/3, 9/17, 10/9, 11/26, 12/3, 12/17
2002: 1/14, 2/4, 3/11, 4/8, 5/20, 6/24, 8/5, 9/9
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