February 17, 2003

CYBERCOLUMN:
Without church...
___By Brett Younger
___When I asked several members of Broadway Baptist Church to complete the sentence, "Without church …," I received all kinds of silly, serious and sentimental answers.
___Without church …
___"Walking the aisle" would only apply to lost people in Kroger.
___ Sword drill would be really dangerous.
___There would be nothing to come, come, come, come, come to in the "wildwood" or the "dale."
___Green bean casseroles

Brett Younger

would be a historical curiosity.
___ "Sunday-go-to-meetin'" would be removed from southern vocabularies.
___ Mary would have really had some 'splainin to do.
___ Lazarus would have kept right on stinkin'.
___ The five points of Calvinism would be reduced to zero.
___ Reverse-atheists would espouse belief in a Supreme Being despite overwhelming evidence that God doesn't exist.
___ Oral Roberts would be a host for the psychic network.
___ George Burns would star in movies called "Oh".
___ We wouldn't have "Stairway To Heaven" or Tears In Heaven."
___ Shirley McClain would be slightly more credible, but not much.
___ Dana Carvey would just be "the Lady".
___ I would be perpetually healthy and wealthy because I could stay home and watch Kenneth Copeland on TV.
___ Gideons would pass out perfume samples.
___ KFC and Popeye's would have a fried chicken monopoly.
___ Baylor would be a football powerhouse.
___ The Beatitudes would be the name of a band.
___ Who's in a choir?
___There'd be less kid art on refrigerators.
___ There would be no spellchecker offerings for "churuch."
___ We would not get the chance to play with playdough and glitter and glue.
___ Pantyhose would be obsolete.
___ I'd have had to meet a husband in a bar.
___ Some lifelong friendships would have never been conceived.
___ I'd have no social life.
___ I would not have been born.
___ I wouldn't own a suit or a tie. I might not even own socks.
___ The elementary kids would get to watch the Super Bowl.
___ Children would be put to bed with a bedtime story and a high five.
___ Funerals wouldn't be nearly so uplifting.
___ I would have an incredible lightness of being, a human hologram with no substance.
___ I would not have nearly as many really good friends, including Jesus.

___ Brett Younger is pastor of Broadway Baptist Church in Fort Worth






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