March 17, 2003
CYBERCOLUMN:
Signing the Friendship Register
___By Brett Younger
___"My church is one of many that pass friendship registers as a way for members to welcome guests and learn each other's names. The process is simple: Worshippers seated on the center aisle sign the register and pass it to the next person. The register moves to the end of the row, then back to the center so that each person sees each name.
___This system works well for church members but is painfully redundant for the minister leading the welcome. How many times can you say: "Would those seated on the center aisle please sign the register and then pass it to the next person? The register should go to the end of the row, then bac
k to the center so that each person sees each name" without your brain turning into leftover Wednesday night tuna casserole?
___In order to avoid beginning worship each Sunday by boring myself, I've encouraged worshippers to sign the friendship register in a variety of ways:
___ "Welcome to everyone who knows that they're a winner and to everyone who feels like a loser, to saints and to sinners and to all who are confused as to which they might be, to those who know that they're as sharp as a tack and to those who are wondering if in the pinball game of life their flippers are a little too far apart. Every one of you gets to sign the friendship register."
___ "Don't sign the friendship register for God's sake, because God knows even when a sparrow falls. Sign it for the rest of us who need a great deal of help."
___ "Sign in because we're testing the theory that the smartest people sit closest to the front."
___ "Many people claim that Baptists are illiterate. Let's sign the worship register and prove them wrong."
___ "Unlike so many things, you don't have to be 21 to sign the friendship register."
___ "These days, when someone asks for your name, it is usually because they want it for telemarketing purposes. We are no exception. We can make money selling your name, so please sign the friendship register."
___ "Hezekiah 5:12 states: 'When thou enterest the temple of Lord thou shalt sign the holy book.'"
"Sometimes the encouragement to sign the friendship register is tied to the seasons of the church year:
___ "Sign in and reserve your seat for Christmas Eve."
___ "Sign in and include your shoe size. The person next to you is wondering what to get you for Christmas."
___ "You're not losing weight, you're not getting organized, and you're already behind on your reading, but you can keep your New Year's resolution to sign the friendship register each Sunday."
___ "If you chose not to leave for spring break until after worship today, then please put a check by your name."
___ "Sign because there is a second blessing for those who come the Sunday after Easter."
___ "If your mother calls to see if you were in church on Mother's Day, we'll have a record."
___ I often point out the rewards of signing the register:
___ "If your friendship register has a star on it, present it to an usher after the service and see if he or she will give you a dollar.
___ "You may not be the smartest person on your pew. You make not be the most attractive. You may not be the most popular. But you can be the person with the most legible signature on the friendship register."
___ "The row with the most signatures can come back next Sunday for free."
___ "Sign in and save yourself the embarrassment of being re-introduced to the person sitting next to you."
___ "If you sat on the wrong row by accident, this is a chance to learn some new names."
___ "Sign in and find out the name of the cutie sitting at the end of your row."
___ Other times it seems more appropriate to threaten people:
___ "If you sign in as a 'visitor,' you qualify to park in 'visitor's parking' by the front door. If you do not, you will be towed."
___ "Someone may be carefully monitoring your attendance."
___ "Ushers will be affixing 'Honk if you Love Jesus' bumper stickers to the cars of all non-friendship register signers."
___ "Sign the worship register, or we'll give your name to the Jehovah's Witnesses."
___ "Sign in, because God might not keep score, but we do."
___ "After you sign the register, please give us the names of the folks who don't sign in so we can call and ask them what their problem is."
___ "The friendship register is not the Lamb's Book of Life. Or is it?"
___ "The concept of purgatory is held by Christians of other faith traditions. If purgatory exists, no doubt there will be people there who will spend extra time because they did not sign the friendship register. Even if you don't believe in purgatory, why take the chance?"
___ "If you don't sign the friendship register, we will start wearing nametags."
___ Brett Younger, pastor of Broadway Baptist Church in Fort Worth, is obviously out of ways to encourage people to sign the friendship registers. Please send your helpful suggestions to Byounger@broadwaybc.org.
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