May 19, 2003

Ministers' families not perfect, Miley says
___By John Hall
___Texas Baptist Communications
___SPICEWOOD--Ministers' wives need to overcome the pressure of perfection and strive for excellence in their lives, according to author Jeanie Miley.
___While the stresses placed on ministers is well known, their spouses also face strenuous demands from their congregations and themselves, Miley said during the Baptist General Convention of Texas Ministers' Wives Retreat at Highland Lakes Baptist Encampment.
___Many church people expect ministers' wives and families to be perfect at all times, said Miley, herself a minister's wife. With a laugh, she recalled the Sunday morning chaos of her and her children going to church. Each person was running in a different direction, and each person was mad at everyone else.
___When they stepped out of the vehicle, however, they smiled "until their teeth were dry," she said, knowing they were expected to be the picture of perfection.
___Such expectations are impossible to reach, Miley reminded the audience. Instead, she encouraged them to try the best they could to be Christ-like.
___"We live under this pressure to live perfect lives, which is a bunch of hooey because it's impossible to be perfect," she said. "That's already been done, and we're not required to be perfect. It stands in the way of being excellent. So give up perfect and try for excellent."
___Being married to a minister does not protect a wife and family from the challenges every family faces, Miley reported. "Life's hard in the minister's home. Life's hard everywhere," she said. "We're not special, and we need to get over thinking life should treat us one way or another because we're in the ministry."
___Ministers' wives are special in the same respect all humankind is--because they are made in the image of God, Miley said.
___And every minister's spouse has spiritual gifts that can contribute to the health of the congregation, she added. Despite this knowledge, many spouses continually hide their talents to let others shine, because they believe that is the expectation, Miley said.
___God asks each person to live a life for him, not stick to a "role," she asserted.
___"There is no role you play that is as important as your identity as a human being made in the image of God. And if you are born a woman and live your life as a role and die as a role, how sad."

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