Counselors urge frank talk on what is sex_122203

Posted: 12/19/03

Counselors urge frank talk on what is sex

Editor's note: This story contains frank dialogue about sexual matters and may not be appropriate for all readers.

By John Hall

Texas Baptist Communications

Young adults appear to be turning to oral sex as a way to remain sexually “pure” yet sexually active during the extending period before marriage, according to sexual health experts.

Dan McGee, director of Baptist General Convention of Texas Counseling and Psychological Services, and Joe McIlhaney, director of the Medical Institute for Sexual Health, report oral sex is becoming an increasingly popular alternative to vaginal sex, especially among teens.

Younger generations are having to fight their sexual desires longer because they are marrying later, McGee noted. While it was the norm for earlier generations to marry during a person's early 20s, young people are now commonly getting married in their late 20s or early 30s.

The social stigma that was associated with oral sex also has lessened. While McGee remembers his generation viewing the act as perverted or primarily practiced by homosexuals, younger generations view it as acceptable behavior.

While empirical data on this phenomenon is not readily available, McGee, McIlhaney and other youth counselors report what seems to them to be a clear trend.

Among the physical evidence, however, is a University of Wisconsin study that found 78 percent of new genital herpes cases could be linked to a virus that causes cold sores.

A recent Northern Kentucky University study revealed 61 percent of young adults who made abstinence pledges broke them. Among the 39 percent who did not engage in vaginal intercourse prior to their promise and said they kept their promise, 55 percent indicated they had engaged in oral sex.

Rather than narrowing the definition of what constitutes sex, young adults need to broaden it greatly, warns McGee, a clinical sexologist. Not only is oral sex sex, but so is any sexual touching with the intention of arousal, he said.

“Just because the president of the United States says it isn't sex doesn't make it so,” he said.

McIlhaney echoed McGee's thoughts, saying sexual education courses should teach that sex is a larger realm than vaginal intercourse: “Young people need to be taught physical contact for the purpose of arousal is sexual intercourse.”

McGee outlines three stages in the human sexual response cycle. The first, desire, triggers the second step, biological sexual arousal. Up to these points, individuals have some power over their sexual actions.

People can control their actions largely by avoiding situations where they will be sexually tempted, McGee noted. But adolescents are particularly susceptible to moving from desire to arousal because their hormones are highly sensitive, and they feel the societal push toward sex.

“You can't help it if you have an interest in sex or a desire for sex,” he said. “We do have control over how much we let ourselves go into arousal.”

Although individuals may fight against acting on their desires, once the orgasmic reflex is triggered, control is no longer an option, McGee continued. That God-given design can be beautiful inside marriage, but it can be destructive outside marriage, the counselors warned.

McIlhaney noted a non-marital relationship that includes oral sex can be damaging to a young adult's self-esteem. The individual may feel used or unloved.

Both experts pointed out the numerous sexually transmitted diseases that can be contracted through oral sex, particularly with multiple partners. And the earlier young adults have their first sexual interaction, the more likely they are to contract diseases.

Young people often make the incorrect and dangerous assumption that they cannot get diseases through oral sex, McGee said. “Every risk you have except pregnancy is still there with oral sex.”