Interracial adoption blends easily into pastor’s family_82503

Posted: 8/22/03

Interracial adoption blends easily into pastor's family

By Jenny Hartgraves

Buckner News Service

Tucked somewhere between the winding roads and picket fences of Aubrey lies the loving home of Chris and Heather Walden, a home that breathes the rich colors of nature, a much broader spectrum than what's simply black or white.

Lining the walls of their home are pictures of their twins, Jeremiah and Quincy, striking poses that even a professional model would envy: Jeremiah leaning on a cane wearing a top hat, mugging for the camera like a regular Fred Astaire, while Quincy grins with a Pollyanna-like innocence, flowers in her cap and hands propped under her chin.

The Waldens never expected to see these photos on their walls three years ago. Nor did they expect to pass out plates of oatmeal cookies or watch their twins splash in the wading pool outside.

“I always wanted to be a mom growing up, and it is truly heartbreaking when you think that you aren't going to have children,” Mrs. Walden said. “It's really a blessing that God can form your family in his own way, and it may not be biologically.”

The story of Chris and Heather Walden began more than 10 years ago, before they were engaged or married. “We started praying about having twins,” he said. “That was something we always wanted, a little Chris and Heather. We didn't know at that time that we couldn't have children.”

With twins running on both sides of the family, they always hoped God would bless them twice. After four long years of praying and trying to conceive, they finally considered looking into adoption.

“Buckner was the first orientation we went to, and we went into it not even sure if we were going to adopt,” she said. “We left from there and went to dinner to discuss it.”

“We decided that Buckner was the place. God spoke to us,” he said. “I felt at ease the whole time. I got assurance as they shared their heart. They did a great job clarifying what the purpose is and that this was not about getting what you want. The primary purpose is giving the best to the kids. It's not about helping out the birth family or the adoptive family. It's all about the kids.”

The only thing holding the couple back from starting the adoption process immediately was the lack of financial funding. As pastor and wife of Rock Hill Baptist Church in Aubrey, a small “little-house-on-the-prairie” kind of church, the Waldens weren't sure how they could come up with the money they needed for an adoption.

“We told the Lord one night: 'OK, Lord, maybe we're jumping the gun. We can't finance this money, so we'll start saving. And if it's another year or two, then we'll just wait.' It would be our confirmation when we had that money,” Walden said.

Within two weeks, their prayer was answered. Churches and people from around the community heard about the Waldens' needs, and through a series of God-inspired donations, they were blessed with the exact amount needed to begin the adoption process.

Jeremiah relaxes in the arms of his mother, who believes he is a gift of God to her family.

“In a matter of minutes, God raised this money for us through our community and the body of Christ,” the pastor explained. “It was confirmation that we were moving in the right direction. God was telling us that we were doing the right thing.”

With God's direction so visible in their lives, it shouldn't have come as a surprise when they received a phone call from Buckner a year later. “They told us about a birth mother who was expecting twins, and there were very rarely twins in adoption. So they thought of us right away,” Walden said.

But they faced one other hurdle. The Waldens are white. The twins were African-American.

“We knew from the very beginning we wanted to adopt a child that was bi-racial or African-American,” Walden said. “Heather had heard a broadcast a few years earlier on KCBI of how (African-American children) were in need of parents and there weren't many African-American couples adopting.”

“So maybe there had already been a seed planted. I just can't explain it, but we felt a real peace about it,” Mrs. Walden said.

After just five minutes on the phone with the birthmother, she told them they were the ones. “I don't know what it was, but somehow in that conversation we just seemed to click. All three of us felt like this was good.”

Buckner Children & Family Services, which facilitates domestic adoptions, promotes open adoption, a process that allows the birthmother and the adoptive family to choose each other and maintain an open connection to benefit the child. “At first, I was scared of open adoption. I had seen too many movies,” Mrs. Walden said.

From the moment they first spoke with the twins' birthmother, the Waldens began to develop a meaningful relationship. They made several trips to visit her during the pregnancy, seeing sonograms of the babies and getting to know her.

After their birth, both sides of the family came to the hospital to meet the twins. The picture of two families gathered, with all colors of skin, to share their mutual love for these children attests to the success of open adoption. “For me, that's one of the greatest memories,” Walden said. “As they grow up, they don't have that empty spot wondering why no one loved them.

“I love not having to keep anything from them. I love the fact that they're going to grow up and be able to ask questions, know their bloodline and history. At the same time, we have this great joy of having them as our children. Our family loves them, our church loves them, our whole community knows all about our kids, and they ask about them everywhere we go.”

“I just think it's healthy for everybody involved. These kids are not going to have any mysteries in their life,” Mrs. Walden said.

Their birth grandmother had sent the play clothes that Jeremiah and Qunicy were wearing, and the Waldens were proud to dress their children in them. From the outside looking in, this family may be difficult to understand. But with God's hand leading the way and a love that penetrates any distinguishable boundaries, the Walden family has everything it's ever dreamed of–and then some.

The Waldens now look forward to building on to their growing church, clearing out more land for parking, and conquering the terrible twos. Quincy and Jeremiah turned 2 in February, and the “no-mine” phase has just begun. But Mrs. Walden doesn't blink an eyelash.

“I've never thought of it as twice as hard to raise twins; this is all we've ever known,” she said. As she speaks, Jeremiah dances on the piano bench, and Quincy reaches for her sippy cup before falling off the couch.

Raising the twins may not be twice as hard, but it certainly is twice the blessing.

“We've prayed from the very beginning, and this whole thing has just evolved. We can tell that is was him. … God is the reason that it worked.”