marriage_premarital_81103

Posted: 8/8/03

BEFORE 'I DO':
Does premarital counseling make a diference?

By John Hall

Texas Baptist Communications

Marriage education and premarital counseling are the latest trends to emerge from the marriage movement–a push for stronger traditional families.

Churches nationwide are requiring couples to undergo counseling and follow-up sessions in order to use sanctuaries.

State governments have followed suit and developed marriage education curriculums for high school students. Several officials are pushing strongly to mandate those courses.

But do the efforts work?

That depends on what a successful premarital counseling program means, according to experts. Long-term studies on divorce rates of couples who were counseled do not exist, and the shorter-term studies do not give a clear indication of effectiveness.

Marriage Savers, a Christian organization that brings community church leaders together to create a standard requirement for all couples who wish to use a sanctuary in the community for their weddings, reported mixed results following an extensive short-term study.

The divorce rate dropped in 91 of 131 areas where church leaders adopted city marriage policies. The study, facilitated by the Institute of Research and Evaluation, cited a drop of more than 35 percent in divorces in Tyler, Austin and Waxahachie and a 79.5 percent decline in El Paso.

However, 39 of the 131 areas either experienced no decline or reported an increase in the divorce rate. According to Marriage Savers' annual report, “most of the increases were below 10 percent.” However, 13 regions experienced even higher rates of divorce, including increases of 24 percent, 38.6 percent and 59.2 percent in Sacramento, Cleveland and Chadron, Neb., respectively.

Mike McManus, president of Marriage Savers, cited the number of trained mentor couples, paid staff members and amount of press coverage as factors that significantly altered divorce rates.

While many people would simply look at the divorce rate of couples after counseling, Preston Dyer, professor at Baylor University and a clinical social worker, said those numbers do not tell the full story.

Effective premarital counseling should help couples evaluate whether they should get married, identify strengths and swoons in the relationship and help them develop skills that will strengthen their upcoming marriage, Dyer said.

Personality inventories such as Prepare help couples understand the dynamics of their relationship, agreed Dyer and Amy Branch-Lambert, pastoral care counselor for the Baptist General Convention of Texas' Counseling and Psychological Services.

Research on the Life Innovations website, which offers information on Prepare, indicates the inventory predicts with an 80 percent accuracy which couples will get divorced or have severe problems.

Even if the inventory shows two people may not be compatible, Dyer and Branch-Lambert caution ministers not to refuse to marry a couple. The counselor should help both parties learn to work through issues and develop a healthy relationship.

“Here's the reality for the minister: If the minister says no, they're going to go down to the justice of the peace,” Branch-Lambert said. “Why would we force people to go to the justice of the peace when they can find a place where they are loved and honored?”

Branch-Lambert and Dyer agreed counseling should include at least six hour-long sessions stretched over several months prior to the ceremony. The counselor should cover a series of relationship issues including finances, expectations and spiritual beliefs.

But that commitment is difficult for many pastors, they acknowledged.

“Ministers have a hard time finding six to nine hours to give to a couple,” Dyer stated. “You think of so many of our Texas Baptist churches, and they're a one-man staff.”

An important issue to discuss is the family background of each person, Branch-Lambert said. Parents provide a model for marriage that their children often imitate.

“That's where we all learned to do relationships,” she said. “Going into marriage, you can't think they won't act like their parents, because they will carry some traits into the new marriage.”

While Branch-Lambert prefers individual counseling between a professional and the couple, Dyer said some research indicates couple classes have proven slightly more effective, since couples can support each other.

Counseling is effective, but Branch-Lambert noted couples ultimately are responsible for nurturing the marriage.

“Nothing's going to totally prepare you for marriage,” she said. “That's the reality of it. But the more tools in the tool box, the more you have to work on it.”

Marriage Resources

www.lifeinnovations.com–parent company that offers the Prepare inventory and Enrich marriage enhancement materials.

Hope for Home–the BGCT Christian Life Commission's initiative to strengthen families. Consultants can help churches establish marital counseling programs. Contact Carol Bowman at (888) 332-5870 for more information.

Celebrating Marriage in Ministry–the BGCT's marriage enrichment event for ministers. This year it is Sept. 11-13 in San Antonio. Contact Bob Cavin at (888) 447-5143 for more information.

www.marriagesavers.com–an organization that helps churches and cities create community marriage policies to encourage marriage counseling and enrichment.

www.greatstart.org–web site of the Great Start marital preparation material.