CYBERCOLUMN for 3/22 by Berry D. Simpson: Friends_32204

Posted: 3/23/04

CYBERCOLUMN:
Friends

By Berry D. Simpson

In John 15, Jesus calls us his friends. It has always been easy for me to think of Jesus being a friend to me, but I stumble over the idea that he sees me as a friend to him. I never thought I had that much to offer as a friend, especially to someone like Jesus.

Part of the problem may have been my distorted view of friendship, which I saw more as an exchange of services. My closest friends through college and young adult life tended to be men who had linked up with me in a spiritual role. Either they were mentors to me, or I was a mentor to them. I remember those as warm friendships, and I am sure we loved each other (even though we never said it out loud, no way). But I linked friendship with mentoring, not partnering.

Some recent instances have caused me to re-evaluate my thoughts about of friendship; maybe I had it wrong all along.

I was on my way to lunch one day, riding with a friend in his SUV, when he quoted a letter of recommendation I had written for him where I referred to him as one of my best friends. He had trouble telling the story because of the tears in his eyes. He was not a guy who cried much, but he had difficulty saying thank you. I realized at that moment how drastically I had underestimated my friendship all those years. This was bigger than I thought, I thought to myself.

And then again, I was having lunch with another man, one of my band of brothers, and he said, “Berry, I want to be better friends with you.” Wow. That’s not an easy thing for one guy to say. It is more exposure than most of us are comfortable with. I was honored by his request and once again realized there was more to friendship than I thought.

Another story. About a year ago after having lunch (all my best stories are about lunch!) with a friend whose wife had an affair and walked out on him, outside the restaurant on the sidewalk in front of all West Texas, I hugged him and told him I loved him. It was a spontaneous act that surprised us both. Friendship is riskier than I thought.

In my youngster days, I was mostly a loner, a book reader, a model builder, a mesquite-pasture explorer. I was never an athlete and so never experienced the friendship of teammates, the closeness built through shared suffering and stress. I was in band, however, and my closest friends came from my fellow band mates. But even among those, I can count no more than two or three that I still think of as friends. I recently read John Grisham’s book, “The Bleachers,” and I was jealous of those men in the book who grew up together and shared deep memories and victories and scars. I don’t remember many friends like that.

Well, the fact is, through the years there have been many men I’ve called friends, and I don’t mean to say those relationships weren’t important. Those guys took care of me, did things with me, supported me and wished me success. It isn’t their friendship I am questioning; it’s mine. I didn’t understand what I brought to the party.

But I’m beginning to understand more the older I get. My current friendships have been a source of joy for me, and I’m happy to be finally growing into this phase of my life. A phase, I’m afraid, everyone else figured out years and years and years ago. That’s the trouble with us analytics. We’re the last ones to jump in. We always want one more data point to consider before making a full commitment. Even to friendship.

So what about Jesus calling me his friend? In truth, I’m much more comfortable being Jesus’ servant than his friend. Servant is simpler. All I have to do is keep my checklist of dos and don’ts close at hand and tick the boxes as I go through my day, and my servant duties are accomplished. But if I am Jesus’ friend, not his servant, well that changes the motivation, doesn’t it? According to my old view of friendship, to be Jesus’ friend I had to offer him something of value beyond mere company or companionship. Now I know there is more to it than that.

What if Jesus says to me one day, “Berry, I want to be better friends with you”? Now what do I do? And if I read John 15 with open eyes, I can see Jesus is telling me exactly that. There is more to this friendship than I thought.

Berry Simpson, a Sunday school teacher at First Baptist Church in Midland, is a petroleum engineer, writer, runner and member of the city council in Midland.