Right or Wrong? Spare the rod?

Posted: 12/02/05

Right or Wrong?
Spare the rod?

My 5-year-old tends to act out, even in church. One lady, old enough to be my grandmother, told me, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” What does that mean?

This question demonstrates at least two dynamics at work among us. Both of these move mightily among Baptists. One of these regards what is appropriate behavior in a worship setting. The other relates to parental responsibilities in society.

Consider the worship setting first. I grew up in an era when we became a generation of over-consumers accentuated by the slogans, "Have it your way" (Burger King) and "I love what you do for me" (Toyota). In essence, our over-emphasis upon consumerism created a market-niche concept within ministry. Individuals now shop for churches and choose one based upon that which could most meet personal needs, including our ability to feel good all the time in the setting. We need to remember, though, the church is where we meet and worship the Lord. Yet this worship context is not only filled with joy and gladness. There also can be pain and consternation. Here is where the two dynamics raised by the question interface.

There can certainly be times of discomfort in church. This is true of parents with over-active children who are "sure to do something" during worship. The woman who admonished you has raised the "spare the rod and spoil the child" line to make the situation more comfortable for herself.

A popular way to interpret Proverbs 13:22 (where the statement came from) is spanking is the tried-and-true way to direct a child toward more appropriate behavior. The statement should be understood as a metaphor for a parent implementing care, nurture, discipline and management on behalf of the child until the child can maintain her or his own self-control.

Her linear view of this situation sounds correct, but in essence it is only a symptomatic cure. She thinks spanking the child for his behavior will "solve" the problem. While it may very well prevent him from acting out, it will by no means help him understand the value of worship.

This dilemma can be addressed in two ways: The mother can take sole responsibility for her child and chastise him about his behavior–probably becoming so exasperated that she stops attending. Or the church family can walk with this family through this phase of development. I believe the latter to be most effective. The church can do something. The act of disciplining is truly an act of discipleship, in essence, to bring one under the influence of another for the purpose of aligning with a goal. Athletes discipline their bodies and minds for the task of competition, not merely to endure pain. There is no sense of achievement apart from discipline. Thus, every parent must realize that aligning our children with a standard of life is vital to their developmental and social success.

I believe the aged member's seasoned wisdom is a viable resource to this mother. She could reposition herself to sit with this mother and child, developing an interest in the child. This structural change is sure to yield behavioral consequences. Remember, it is easier to complain about a situation than get involved in it. Jesus stated it best: "Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not." We are not the focus in worship–God is. Worship provides the opportunity to be influenced by the divine presence and repositions us from consumers to participants. Thus, we can honor the divine through becoming aware of the needs of others and realizing "one size" does not fit all!

Kelvin Kelly, pastor

Mount Zion Baptist Church

Abilene

Right or Wrong? is sponsored by the T.B. Maston Chair of Christian Ethics at Hardin-Simmons University's Logsdon School of Theology. Send your questions about how to apply your faith to btillman@hsutx.edu.