Explore the Bible Series for April 6: When others hate you

Posted: 3/26/08

Explore the Bible Series for April 6

When others hate you

• Genesis 37:2-11, 17-20, 28

By Donald Raney

First Baptist Church, Petersburg

Humans were created to be in relationship with other humans. It is one of our most basic needs. That need can create in us a strong desire to be accepted by others. We often look for validation of ourselves through seeking the approval of others. This in turn can lead us to exaggerate in describing our accomplishments and blame others for our faults or shortcomings.

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Posted: 3/26/08

Explore the Bible Series for April 6

When others hate you

• Genesis 37:2-11, 17-20, 28

By Donald Raney

First Baptist Church, Petersburg

Humans were created to be in relationship with other humans. It is one of our most basic needs. That need can create in us a strong desire to be accepted by others. We often look for validation of ourselves through seeking the approval of others. This in turn can lead us to exaggerate in describing our accomplishments and blame others for our faults or shortcomings.

Yet, despite our best efforts, we find not everyone likes or accepts us. Even when we are truthful about ourselves, it seems there always will be someone who dislikes us.

These experiences usually start early in life and can have a formative effect on the person we become. This especially is true if those who seem to shut us out are relatives.

Often when we look back to the patriarchs of Israel, we have an initial or overriding vision of heroes of faith who always walked with God. But as we read their stories more closely, we find what would certainly qualify as dysfunctional families.

The story of Joseph’s relationship to his brothers is a prime example. Parental favoritism, jealousy, ill-advised words and actions all led to a situation in which nine older brothers hated their younger brother and sought to get rid of him. As we look at the story of Jacob’s sons, we can learn a lot about how to deal with those instances when we encounter people who seem to hate us.


Seek to do right (Genesis 37:2-4)

The stories of Israel’s patriarchs are full of sibling rivalry. It began with Isaac and Ishmael and seems to have intensified with each successive generation. Compounding the situation was the presence of blatant paternal favoritism. While one might expect Jacob would have learned the effects of such favoritism from his own experience with Isaac, it is clear he did not, and indeed lavished his preference for Joseph openly before his other sons.

This clearly created jealousy and tension between the brothers. The dislike which the older brothers held for Joseph only grew deeper as Joseph insisted on reporting on all of their activities to Jacob. The fact that no specifics are given and that Jacob did not appear to discipline the boys suggests the actions Joseph reported were not significant. When combined with the events which follow, these verses may indicate Joseph’s favored status had given birth to pride which blinded him to the consequences of his own actions.

As it does many other times, the Bible seems here to teach us what to do by presenting the opposite. While we should not be consumed with always doing whatever it takes to earn the approval of others, when we are aware of negative feelings others have toward us, we should always seek to do what is right and avoid unnecessarily providing fodder for their hate.


Seek to communicate wisely (Genesis 37:5-11)

Everyone knows by experience the truth that: “No man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:8). We all have said things we later regretted or would have been best left unsaid. We do not mean to hurt feelings or cause others to form negative opinions or attitudes. Yet it often is the case that the reason one person or group dislikes another is less about who they are and more about something he or she said.

As we already have seen, Jacob’s favoritism of Joseph had laid the foundation for deep dislike between the older brothers and Joseph. That favoritism seems to have led Joseph to feel he could say anything and most often what he said only deepened the breach within the family. In fact, his descriptions of his dreams not only further alienated him from his brothers, but led to objections from Jacob. Joseph’s actions seem to lend support to the old saying that simply because something is true, does not mean it needs to be said.

This especially is true when it would lead to division within a biological family or within a church family. While we should always be willing to speak the truth in love, we also should always seek to carefully consider whether our words would build walls between us and others. In every situation, seek to use words wisely.


Seek to perform duties (Genesis 37:17-20, 28)

Abraham Lincoln wisely stated you cannot please all of the people all of the time. Despite our best efforts to the contrary, some people may simply refuse to like us. That, however, should never distract us from doing the work we feel God has called us to do, even in acts of reaching out to those people in loving service. Even though he certainly knew his brothers disliked him, Joseph continued to obey Jacob and assist his older brothers with their duties. One may wonder to what extent Joseph was aware of the depth of his brothers’ hatred and whether he assisted them out of love for them or duty to Jacob, but the fact is that Joseph did not allow his brothers’ feelings or attitudes prevent him from doing what he should.

Perhaps as we focus on pressing forward with performing our duties, we might disarm those who hate us and prepare a way for reconciliation and unity.

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