BaptistWay Bible Series for August 8: Exulting in the marriage relationship

The subject of the biblical approach to marriage receives a lot of attention. Retreats, small groups, premarital counseling sessions, marital counseling therapy sessions, sermons, books, articles and conferences are devoted to the topic. We obviously care what God thinks about marriage.

The Genesis 2:18-25 passage describes the initial creation of the marriage relationship. (True, Adam and Eve had no marriage ceremony, no written vows and no license; but as Tevye notes in one of his soliloquies in “Fiddler on the Roof,” though, what better matchmaker could they have had?) This passage describes the interrelatedness of the man and woman in this bond. The Scripture describes the mutual reliance of the relationship.  These verses are instructive about basics—marriage was created by God, between a man and a woman, on a permanent basis.

Hebrews 13:4 reinforces, from the New Testament, the validity and solemnity of marriage. The reference to both “fornicators” and “adulterers” summarizes a number of verses throughout the Bible that describe fornication and adultery as sins.  

In short, marriage is a God-ordained, lifelong relationship between a man and a woman characterized by interrelatedness and mutual reliance. It is to be kept pure. From elsewhere in Scripture, we see marriage characterized as a relationship of mutual submission, cleaving to each other, love and commitment.

What, then, are the questions that surround marriage for Baptists in the 21st century?

1.    Is marriage really for life? While the Old Testament has a number of causes for divorce, Jesus tells his disciples those statements in the Pentateuch were concessions to the “hardness” of our hearts. In Jesus’ view, only marital unfaithfulness justifies divorce.

Reading this Scripture raises the natural question of “what did Jesus mean by marital unfaithfulness?” Is it limited to adultery? What about abuse? What about abandonment? What about addiction? What about a complete violation of all trust in the relationship by a spouse? Surely a “faithful marriage” involves more than simply sexual relations; if so, then can’t “marital unfaithfulness” apply to more than sexual relations?

Another reason to ask questions about this verse is the difference in view of women in today’s society. I am not suggesting that Jesus’ view of women was wrong, but the way his words were heard in the first century would be different from how those words are heard today. In the first-century Middle East, where women were of little value beyond property, what his audience would have thought to be “unfaithfulness” to the woman would not amount to much. In our world, where the value of every human being—man or woman—is understood from the biblical perspective, we have to examine what it means to be “unfaithful” to one another.

Finally, we have to recognize that “unfaithfulness” goes both ways. While Jesus doubtless was highlighting his idea of the equal value of women, this passage is not simply a protection for the wife. Both partners in the marriage are responsible to treat the marriage faithfully and responsibly.

2.    What if the marriage was a mistake? We all know situations where Christians have, for a variety of reasons, entered into a marriage relationship inadvisedly. Is the Christian bound to stay in a “wrong” marriage forever?

This is a difficult question. We know God is forgiving. We know God heals our Christian brothers and sisters who have gone through divorce. We know God does not want us to hurt.

On the other hand, it is rare that a divorce, even from a “mistaken” marriage, does not do collateral damage. Most marriages have children. The spouses have to consider how divorce will affect the children, just as they have to consider how staying in the unhappy marriage will affect the children. Divorces affect others beyond children of the marriage—how will the witness of the spouses be affected by a divorce?

There is a theological question that asks whether, if entering the marriage originally was outside of God’s will, it is a sin to stay in such a marriage. Such questions have to be examined in light of Scripture, including the focal verses for this lesson.

3.    Is biblical marriage out of date in the 21st century? There are some who will concede the Bible speaks to lifelong marriage between a man and woman but dismiss the biblical standard as not being applicable—or at least not being universally applicable—to today’s world. While this view may arise in the concept of marriage, it really is indicative of a deeper question about the value of Scripture as a whole.

Many of us teachers find obvious answers to these questions from the focal Scriptures and from the overall scriptural view of marriage. My point is not to suggest that these questions are not answered by Scripture, for I believe that they are. The point of calling out these issues is to prepare for facing them, for they are questions asked throughout our churches every week.

If they are asked in our churches, you know far more radical questions are asked outside of the church, and you know there are many who do not bother to ask these questions and consider what Scripture has to say about marriage at all.

The benefits of biblical marriage are not out of date. The value of a lifelong commitment centered on Christ and the love he brings to a relationship is immeasurable. Too, the forgiveness and healing of God for those who have been injured by marriage and divorce are undeniable.   

Marriage is created and designed to be a relationship of love and joy, one in which both partners can exult for life.