BaptistWay Bible Series for October 19: Be Christian in family relationships

BaptistWay Bible Series for October 19: Be Christian in family relationships focuses on Ephesians 5:21-6:4.

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In the previous lesson, Paul has been describing how relationships should work within the church. We have seen the foundations of those relationships—unity through the work of Jesus. We have seen how they are intended for everyone’s benefit—and for the glory of God.

However, the matter of relationships within the church was not the only place the Ephesians needed help. That is why Paul concludes the previous section with a transition that introduces what is to follow. That is, he writes, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (5:21).

We, too, must learn that all relationships in the home are to be ordered by reverence for Jesus. This requires something of and from each of us. It calls us to follow what we read in Romans 12:10: “Honor one another above yourselves.” Reciprocal respect calls for sacrifice. That is well illustrated by Jesus’ submission to the Father’s will in the prayer in the garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:39-42 and Mark 14:35-36).

Remember that mutual submission is the general rule or principle for us to learn. The list that follows is similar to what Paul wrote in Colossians 3:18-21. It illustrates how mutual submission works from the perspectives of various relationship roles.

Remember also that these early Christians continued to struggle with what to make of their new relationship in Jesus. They may have been asking themselves how this new life and new ways of living in freedom should shape their homes, marriages and families. Their culture taught that men were to be totally dominant and women totally submissive. Women even were considered to be less than fully human beings.

In that context, any teaching about the freedom in Jesus was ripe for misunderstanding. Imagine being a woman growing up in that context. Now, being saved, she hears she is “free in Christ”, a “new creature,” etc. It is easy to understand how such a person may so revel in a new-found freedom. She could even see herself as, in Jesus, free from any marital constraint.

Likewise, a husband—as a new Christian—was challenged to look at his wife through new eyes: the eyes of God. For him, this was a radical concept. The world had taught him to expect total submission from his wife. Now, God calls him to a higher and nobler perspective of marriage: mutual submission.

Marital discord often rises from the abuse of respective roles—even in Christian marriages. The mutual submission to which Christians are called, however, is designed to prevent such conflict and to find balance within marital relationships. The ideal relationship is one in which the two marriage partners build up each other. Certainly Jesus is the glue that binds Christians together in a marriage. However, in verse 31, Paul summarizes the effect of mutual submission as the means by which the glue sets. By this the two are bound together as one.

In the opening verses of chapter 6, Paul follows with the application of modeling our relationships after God to the parent-child relationship. In verse 1, children are told to “obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” In verse 2, he reminds them that such obedience is not only in line with God’s will, but it is among the very first directions (the Ten Commandments) that God gave his people. And its importance is stressed in that it is “the first commandment with a promise.” Clearly this is a call for the submission of children to their parents.


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This, too, was open to abuse. In the Ephesian culture, fathers were given free rein to treat their children in ways that would be considered abusive by any standard today.

Paul holds Christian parents to a higher ideal. He instructs parents to their own type of submission. Paul wrote, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (v. 4). Of course, this is addressed to all parents—mothers as well as fathers.

This teaching contains its own balance. Parents are cautioned against giving their children unattainable instructions or holding them to unreasonable standards. However, this does not mean parents are to give their children no direction. Rather, it calls for patience and understanding as well as correction.

Most importantly, it requires parents to live as proper examples. The best way for children to be brought up “in the training and instruction of the Lord”, is by parents who teach through discipline and instruction—both word and deed—what it means to live a Christ-like life.

This parent-child relationship echoes Paul’s instruction to “be imitators of God” (5:1). As noted earlier, Jesus, in all his life as well as when going to the cross, was obedient to his Father. Nor does God make unreasonable demands of us. As the psalmist wrote regarding God’s guidance and instruction, “your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4).

The world is tough. We need Christian families and marriages as places of comfort and refuge—and as healthy testimonies to the work of God. As God teaches us through Paul, Christian families will be complimentary relationships based on mutual respect.

Questions to explore

• How does Christian faith affect relationships in the family—or does it?

• What would a family/marriage be like if it ordered all its relationships by reverence for Jesus?


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