Bible Studies for Life for May 17: Abigail: Living with a difficult husband

Bible Studies for Life for May 17: Abigail: Living with a difficult husband focuses on 1 Samuel 25:2-3, 18-19, 23-31, 36-39.

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East Texas Baptist University President Bob Riley, who is retiring in July after 17 years as president, gave the charge to graduates at the university’s spring commencement May 2. Riley jokingly said to the graduates: “The four years you have been at ETBU have been difficult. We designed it that way.”

He followed his remark with truth, “As the Lord helps us work through the difficulties, we become stronger individuals.”

Abigail is a woman who had to overcome adversity in her life. Despite living with a difficult husband, she was able to overcome and do what was right in the eyes of the Lord. A lesson to be learned from her life is that tough situations can bring out the best in an individual.

A beauty and a beast (1 Samuel 25:2-3)

Abigail “was an intelligent and beautiful woman” married to a beast. Her husband, Nabal, was a very wealthy man but “was surly and mean in his dealings” (v. 3). It is not known why these two were together—the marriage could have been arranged or it could have been a marriage by choice with Nabal possibly changing through the years.

Nabal’s meanness can be seen in how he dealt with David and his army of 600 men, who were forced to seek political refuge from Saul. David sent 10 men to approach Nabal in Carmel as he was shearing his large herd. He was seeking a gift from Nabal for protecting his flock. This might sound like extortion but there is no condemnation indicated in the text (1 Samuel 25:4-8).

David was in need of food for his army. The request to feed his 600 hungry soldiers was not out of line. The custom of the day was to treat travelers with gracious hospitality. David told his messengers to stress to Nabal that “when your shepherds were with us, we did not mistreat them, and the whole time they were at Carmel nothing of theirs was missing” (v. 7). David’s army could have taken the sheep for food but that was not the correct thing to do.

Nabal refused David’s request. Even though he knew who David was, Nabal chose to treat him like a runaway slave not a political refugee. Nabal was ungrateful to David and his men. Having wealth, having success does not necessarily make an individual a nice person.

Wit, wisdom and discernment (1 Samuel 25:18-19, 23-31)


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Nabal’s response made David very angry. David instructed his army to put on their swords because he wanted to confront Nabal with force. A message was sent to Abigail informing her of what David was planning to do.

I wonder how many times Abigail’s husband had messed things up in dealing with people? Nabal’s foolish words toward David prompted Abigail to take matters into her own hands. She had to diffuse the situation. Her family’s well-being was at stake.

Abigail gathered the food and provisions David’s army needed to survive (v. 18) and sent the supplies to him. After the peace offering arrived, Abigail went to see David in hopes of calming him down. We learn from verse 23 that when she saw David, “she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground.”

Even though her husband was responsible for this mess Abigail was willing to take the responsibility for the actions of her spouse. Notice that she does not make an excuse for her husband’s bad behavior but tells the truth. “May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name is Fool, and folly goes with him” (v. 25). Sometimes we act like Nabal, forgetting that the foolish things we do not only endanger us but our households as well.

Abigail was a woman with great wisdom. She reached David’s heart by reminding him that “he fights the Lord’s battles” (v. 28). If David had ignored Abigail’s attempt to calm down the situation, he would have been guilty of taking revenge into his own hands. David praised her for her “good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day” (v. 33).

Leave the future with God (1 Samuel 25:36-39)

David believed the Lord had sent Abigail and her wisdom to prevent him from doing wrong concerning Nabal’s actions. David sent her away in peace.

When a person finds himself or herself in a bad relationship, the future must be left up to God. When Abigail returned home, she arrived in the evening as the festival celebrating the shearing of the sheep was well underway. Her husband was “in high spirits and very drunk” (v. 36).

What would have happened if Abigail immediately had reported her dealings with David to her drunken husband? Sometimes the best course of action in dealing with matters of controversy is to let matters cool. Abigail waited until morning to give her report.

When discussing difficult matters with a spouse, timing is everything. A person should ask God to show them the best time to discuss touchy subjects. When Abigail spoke to a sober Nabal “his heart failed him and he became like a stone” (v. 37). Nabal suffered a possible stroke; 10 days later, he died.

Abigail planned to remain Nabal’s loyal and faithful wife. As she exhibited patience with all that had occurred, it provided time for the Lord to work in the situation. The Lord had plans for Abigail, plans to give her a new beginning. The new beginning was for David to make her his wife after the death of Nabal.

By placing our future in the Lord’s hands, he will either give us strength to endure or give us a new beginning in the situation. What Abigail did to help her situation might not be what you need to do. But there is one action she did that we all must consider. And that is to call on God to give us wisdom.


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