• The Explore the Bible lesson for Dec. 13 focuses on Matthew 1:18-25.
Marriage done differently
A few months ago, I had the pleasure of sharing a few thoughts about marriage at a German wedding. Our two German interns were so excited to get married. It was an honor, as a congregation, to help them prepare for marriage.
I was a bit surprised by a few wedding norms in Germany. The couple is married before the “state,” by a judge, early in the day. Then after they are legally married, the church ceremony takes place later in the day. I also was a bit surprised to discover the reception goes until about 3 a.m. The wedding reception features dinner, dessert, songs, speeches, video presentations, dancing and—most surprisingly—games.
A wedding in two parts
The ancient marriage practices of the Jewish people also were quite different than ours. The Kiddushin was the betrothal portion of marriage. It’s similar to our engagement period. From a legal perspective, the couple already was married. In practice, however, they didn’t live together, nor did they have sexual relations. This time was viewed as marriage preparation and could last as long as a year. If one spouse asked to end the relationship, the couple had to get a divorce.
Similar to our engagement period, the couple would have been busy dreaming about big plans—a home, furnishings, children and ceremony.
The Nissuin was the actual ceremony that combined the lives of the man and woman, and they immediately began cohabitation. The Chuppah was part of the Nissuin ceremony. The Chuppah was a large sheet, held up by four posts. The Jewish couple would stand beneath it during the ceremony, kind of like a canopy. The special sheet had to be spotless. The sheet was symbolic for the home the couple soon would inhabit.
A wedding disrupted—in two parts
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This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother, Mary, was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly (Matthew 1:18-19).
After the Kuddushin, the marriage engagement, Mary had quite a surprise for Joseph. This would have been the worst-case scenario for Joseph. In their culture, the only thing worse would have been if Mary died. Sexual purity in the ancient Jewish near eastern culture was something to be celebrated. Virginity was an absolute expectation. And per the book of Deuteronomy, sexual misconduct often was punishable by death.
Life was interrupted by God himself. All those plans must have seemed like wasted effort to Joseph. But God was up to something unprecedented in all history. The Messiah was on the way by miraculous means. It must have been impossible for Mary to fathom. The Holy Spirit, God himself, had placed God the Son inside her womb.
But after Joseph had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins” (vv. 20-21).
Joseph had his own divine disruption. Evidently, he kept this information completely to himself, a sign of great integrity on his part. Then the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. Talk about interruptions.
The message of the angel in the birth narratives is almost always the same: “Do not be afraid.” In this case, what Joseph didn’t need to fear was the actual pregnancy. Instead, Joseph was going to be called upon to be a father to the Son of God. That’s quite a lot to take in for a man who wasn’t even married yet.
Life interrupted
God has the right to interrupt our lives whenever and however he sees fit. If only our responses were as strong as Mary and Joseph. We don’t know if they experienced terror, if they got into a fight or what hardship they might have endured. We do know both Mary and Joseph responded righteously.
It’s been said, “If you survive the first five years of marriage, you will probably be married for a lifetime.” My wife, Heather, and I, struggled just to get through of our first year of marriage. Three months into our marriage, my father-in-law was brutally murdered in Houston. The long-lasting effects reach all the way into our 21st year of marriage. It has certainly been our “dark night of the soul” experience in our marriage.
One month after we buried my father-in-law, four months into our marriage, we discovered my wife was pregnant. Surprise! When our son was just a few months old, the long trial started. It was brutal. We had such mixed emotions. We were experiencing the joy of being parents mixed with the constant pain of loss.
God with us
Whether by tragedy or blessing, our lives can be drastically interrupted at any time. Sometimes it’s the forces of evil impinging our territory. Sometimes it’s our heavenly Father pouring out his goodness in our lives. Either way, what was true for Mary and Joseph is equally true for believers now. It’s right there in our text: “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”—which means God with us (Matthew 1:22).
I will end this article with the salutation I use for all letters and emails:
The Lord is with you.
Application ideas for your Bible study group:
- What life interruptions were blessings? What life interruptions brought turmoil? Did you respond in righteousness? Why or why not?
- Immanuel means God with us. In what ways have you sensed the closeness of God in triumph? How have you sensed the closeness of God in tragedy?
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