LifeWay Explore the Bible Series for October 19: Cultivate godly friends

LifeWay Explore the Bible Series for October 19: Cultivate godly friends focuses on 1 Samuel 18-23.

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In the motion picture “As Good As It Gets,” Jack Nicholson plays a thoroughly unpleasant man who has managed to offend and alienate practically everyone he has ever crossed paths with. Nicholson’s character reaches a turning point, however, when he falls under the influence of a young single mom played by Helen Hunt. In a memorable scene from that film, Nicholson pays what he believes is the ultimate compliment to Hunt: “You make me want to be a better man.”

That single line of movie dialogue is a great illustration of one of the many blessings that come to us through our Christian friends. When we befriend others and entrust ourselves into the hands of special individuals who share our commitment to Jesus Christ, those friends encourage, ennoble, elevate and strengthen us. Through those friendships, we become better people.

1 Samuel paints one of the great biblical portraits of the meaning and implications of godly friendship. To get the big picture, you really need to read chapters 18-23 in their entirety, but the focal study passages (1 Samuel 18:1-4; 19:4-7; 20:8,12-13; 23:16-18) provide us with some beautiful snapshots from the “friendship scrapbook” of David and Jonathan.

David was the youngest son of an obscure and unremarkable family who lived in Bethlehem in southern Judah. Anointed by Samuel in secret to be the king who would replace Saul on Israel’s throne, David was catapulted into national fame when he faced down and killed the giant Goliath (chapters 16-17).

After killing Goliath, David was summoned for a private audience with king Saul. It probably was at that time that David met the king’s son Jonathan for the first time, and immediately a bond of friendship was cemented between the two young men—a friendship which would help carry David through some of the darkest and most dangerous days of his entire life.

We know that every good friendship is reciprocal—a two-way street. But Scripture really trains the spotlight on Jonathan’s part of his relationship with David. In the focal passages, we see a number of specific, concrete ways that Jonathan showed real friendship to David. The essence of those actions of Jonathan toward David might be distilled into a couple of broad observations.

First, we see that despite the vast difference in their social status, Jonathan elevated David and made him his equal.

The opening verses of chapter 18 state that Jonathan “became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself” (18:1). Drawing on that unity of heart, Jonathan made a covenant with David and sealed that covenant by giving David his robe and tunic, his belt and his weapons (18:3-4).

By the establishment of that friendship covenant and the giving of those gifts, Jonathan elevated David. It was his way of saying, “We’re not a wealthy king’s son on the one hand and a poor shepherd’s son on the other; we are friends, we are equals.”


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The way Jonathan reached out to David especially is remarkable when you consider the royal court politics which were part and parcel of being the king’s son. Jonathan was the heir apparent to the throne of Israel, and ordinarily it would be just a matter of time before he would be wearing the crown himself. But when you read 20:13-15 you get the feeling that Jonathan knew it would be David, not he, who would be the next to sit on the throne. But here is the really great thing: Jonathan didn’t seem to be the least bit bothered by that thought. Their friendship was not a competition to see who could come out better in the end.

That’s how real friends treat one another—not as if one party is on one level and the other party is on another. Friends stand together on level ground, and don’t play games of one-upsmanship. To put it bluntly, a friend doesn’t feel like he has to be better than you in order to get along with you, and he is just as happy for you when great things happen in your life, as he is for himself when great things happens in his life.

Godly friends like that are a blessing from God, and God wants each of us to be that kind of blessing to others.

The second observation we make about Jonathan and David is that their friendship enabled David to be vulnerable and still be safe.

After David killed the giant Goliath, his fame spread throughout the kingdom. His name became a household word, and people were even writing songs about him—songs in which David’s prowess on the battlefield was being compared to King Saul’s, and Saul was coming off looking like a third-stringer. “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands,” they sang (18:6-7).

Saul started feeling threatened by David’s popularity, and he easily could imagine the people throwing him out of the palace and carrying David in triumph on their shoulders and setting him on the throne. The king decided to eliminate the threat he thought David posed to his rule by plotting to have David killed (18:17, 24-25; 19:1, 11). On a couple of occasions (18:10-11; 19:9-10), Saul even attempted to do the deed himself.

David became a hunted man. His life literally was in Jonathan’s hands, who in order to secure his father’s goodwill could have arranged at any time for him to be captured and killed. But Jonathan protected David and went to great lengths to make sure his friend remained safe.

1 Samuel 19:4 says Jonathan spoke well of David to his father, and that is a very significant statement because by that time Saul had determined to make himself David’s enemy. When Jonathan saw what was happening to his friend, he didn’t just sit back and let it happen. He stepped in and stood up for David to Saul.

Most folks don’t enjoy being in a position of vulnerability, where they are exposed and open to being wounded, either physically or emotionally. Many people find it difficult to trust others—even those whom they might consider to be their friends—because they might have been betrayed, perhaps many times, in the past. When you are in that position you measure your words very carefully and go to extreme measures to keep some things hidden, in order to try and prevent being hurt again.

But blessed are you if you have that sort of friend whom you can be yourself in front of, that you can tell absolutely anything to—someone who knows about you what no one else but God knows—and be assured that you will still be safe.  And blessed are others through you, if they have you for that kind of friend.

The poem by Dinah Craik says it well:
“Oh, the comfort—the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person,
“Having neither to weigh thoughts,
“Nor measure words—but pouring them
“All right out—just as they are—
“Chaff and grain together—
“Certain that a faithful hand will
“Take them and sift them—
“Keeping what is worth keeping—
“And with the breath of kindness
“Blow the rest away.”

We all need friends like that, and we all need to be a friend like that to someone else. Unless I miss my guess, every one of you who read this has someone in your life who has been that Jonathan sort of friend to you. Maybe this would be a good time for you to pick up the telephone and give that person a call, or write a note or an e-mail, and tell them what a difference their friendship has made in your life.

That’s the picture we see when we look at Jonathan and David:  Godly friends who elevate, encourage, challenge, defend, protect and sustain one another.  And when it comes to friendship, that truly is “as good as it gets.”


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