Sanchez: LGBTQ youth need to feel heard and understood

David Sanchez wants Christian parents to embrace their children who raise questions about their gender identity or sexual orientation—even when they cannot embrace what the culture is communicating to their kids.

“Kids need to know their parents love them, no matter what,” said Sanchez, director of ethics and justice with the Texas Baptist Christian Life Commission.

Every family situation is different, and appropriate responses vary from parent to parent, he said.

But when young people initiate a conversation about gender and sexual orientation with their parents, Sanchez believes, a good place to start is James 1:19: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”

“First of all, listen. Young people need to feel like they are heard and understood,” he said.

Spend time together

At the same time, if a young person “comes out” as gay, transgender or nonbinary—or simply begins asking questions about sexual orientation or gender identity—that subject should not dominate every conversation with parents, he added.

“Make sure you are spending time with your kids—as much as they will let you into their life, be part of their life,” Sanchez said. “Don’t let it [gender and sexuality] be the only thing you talk about.

“If a child comes out, that would be a great time for a family vacation, just to spend time together.”

Understandably, parents take the issue seriously—perhaps even as a matter of life and death. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry reports suicide is the second leading cause of death among children, adolescents and young adults ages 15 to 24.

The 2022 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health—a study of 34,000 self-identified LGBTQ individuals ages 13 to 24—revealed 45 percent seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, and 58 percent reported symptoms of depression. The same study showed youth who identify as transgender or nonbinary considered suicide at a higher rate than other LGBTQ young people.

Biblical teachings about gender

In a presentation about gender issues Sanchez has delivered at several Texas Baptist churches—both to youth and adult groups—he identifies “seven truths” to consider.

• The word of God is not a weapon to win arguments. Sanchez points to 1 Peter 3:15, which says Christians should be ready to “give an answer” when asked to defend the gospel, but do it “with gentleness and respect.”
• God made people male and female. Both the creation account in Genesis 1 and Jesus’ teaching as recorded in Matthew 19:4-6 emphasize humanity is created male and female.
• Male and female are God’s good design. God’s design is not dependent upon individuals’ feelings at a particular point in their lives, Sanchez asserts. It is a reason to celebrate, because God created each person, and every individual is “wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). And the gender God chose for each individual is not an accident, Sanchez adds.
• Both male and female are made in God’s image. A struggle in some area of life does not mean the person is created any less in God’s image.
• The gospel—the good news—applies to all. No person is beyond the reach of God’s love and grace. No sin with which people struggle makes them unredeemable.
• Most biblical truths are not gender specific. There is more to identity than gender. While people are created male and female, that is not all they are, Sanchez asserts. They also are individuals created with the capacity to live as children of God, disciples of Christ and temples of the Holy Spirit.
• Men and women in Scripture do not always fit today’s cultural stereotypes. For example, Deborah was a prophet and judge who went into battle. Esau was a hunter and outdoorsman; his brother Jacob cooked with this mother. Furthermore, expectations about masculinity and femininity vary from one culture to another.

Set an example of surrendering to Christ as Lord

As parents deal with their own children who may be struggling with gender identity—or who may declare themselves gay, lesbian or bisexual—Sanchez recommends they practice patience and humility.

“It’s not going to be an easy journey,” he said. “Be open to family counseling.”

Along the way, parents can set a positive example of Christian discipleship by modeling a lifestyle of worship, grace, love and total surrender to Jesus Christ as Lord, Sanchez said.

“It really comes down to the issue of lordship,” he said. “It’s not about giving up one thing. It’s about surrendering the whole of one’s life to Christ. That’s something all of us can be modeling for our kids.”

David Sanchez is in the process of evaluating resources on issues related to sexuality and gender. Videos he has identified as helpful include:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhcrMyRv3wg — a sermon by J.D. Greear

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwdf54MOmwE

and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKuftYuby5I — both featuring Preston Sprinkle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUQHJNs3590  — with Kathy Grace Duncan