Editorial: How evangelical Christians undermined marriage

Evangelical Christians lost the battle for saving “traditional” marriage by forfeiting the moral high ground.

Consider a point made by Justice Anthony Kennedy when the Supreme Court heard oral arguments on the challenge to Proposition 8, California’s constitutional amendment declaring “only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.”

Editor Marv KnoxKennedy noted Californians at risk if the gay-marriage ban is implemented—the people vulnerable to “immediate legal injury”—are the state’s 40,000 children of same-sex couples. “They want their parents to have full recognition and full status,” he said. “The voice of those children is important in this case, don’t you think?”

Kennedy’s statement is curious and counter-intuitive—not because it’s unique or novel, but because of who he is and what he did.

Kennedy casts the Supreme Court’s swing vote on many cases; how he votes usually determines 5-4 outcomes. That said, Kennedy is widely and demonstrably regarded as a conservative. And yet he raised a strong moral and ethical imperative on behalf of children that can be used to support gay marriage in California.

Now, a couple of caveats: First, it’s too early to say how Kennedy will vote. His concern aside, he still may support Proposition 8 or at least decide the right to define marriage belongs to states, not the federal government. And second, how same-sex couples came to have those children is another issue.

Still, the stunning fact remains: A conservative Supreme Court justice cited a moral argument for supporting same-sex marriage.

Moral urgency

If you listen carefully, you hear parallel reasoning from lesser-known speakers in America’s homosexual-marriage debate. Voices that pulse with moral fervor speak on the side of monogamous homosexual unions. They articulate the language of rights, justice and fairness. They expound on love and commitment. They insist theirs is the moral quest.

Without a doubt, many of their legal adversaries also speak with moral urgency. Defenders of the traditional definition of marriage point to thousands of years of human history. They speak of biblical commands and theological reason. They cite divine and natural law. They stress the union of one woman and one man for life is the normative understanding of marriage.

But evangelical Christians’ treatment of marriage undermines these arguments in the public square.

Divorce

While trumpeting the “sacredness” and “sanctity” of marriage, evangelical Christians divorce at about the same rate as everyone else. They practice adultery and fornication about as much as their neighbors.

And it’s not like their marriages—even ones that stay intact—are particularly effective at raising children who embrace their worldview. Their children practice premarital sex about as often as their peers. Evangelicals may not abuse their kids as much as others do, but abuse—psychological as well as physical—definitely exists. And with 70 percent of evangelical teens dropping out of church when they leave high school, these young people may reject their parents’ perspectives even more prodigiously than do their peers.

While evangelicals’ treatment of marriage undermines their case, they’ve also lost their trump card. When you watch news footage of the street debates or listen to the talk shows, you hear the Bible cited vigorously and often. That’s aiming a bullhorn at the choir.

While the Bible shapes Christian thought (leaving aside the obvious fact Christians interpret it widely and differently), people of other faiths and no faith remain impervious to its propositions. That’s no disrespect for the Bible; it’s just reality in a pluralistic society.

What’s to be done?

The current of culture is flowing toward marriage equality. Proponents of opposite-sex marriage may slow the trend legally, but change seems inevitable.

But if they want to speak effectively about marriage, they’ve got to change how they actually treat marriage. Christians who care about marriage must exert effort to elevate marriage.

That means providing resources—preaching, teaching, classes, counseling, mentors, encouragement and support—to help build strong marriages. Ironically, if this is successful, proponents of gay marriage will copy some of their strategies and methods. But more ironically, this could benefit society by affirming and building lifelong monogamous relationships.

Enabling Couples

It also means enabling couples to be better parents. One of the most persistent arguments made for traditional marriage is the welfare of children. Our communities, nation and world—now and far into the future—will be stronger and happier if child formation ever becomes the focus of marriage.

But here’s the best next step for marriage in America: A good old-fashioned divorce.

What if Christian ministers decided they would differentiate between legalizing and consecrating marriage? What if ministers who perform weddings (full disclosure; I’m one of them) quit signing marriage licenses and let state officials assume that task? We would be left to bless and bind marriages.

And maybe we would put more energy into helping them reflect sacrificial, abiding love.