EDITORIAL: Letting go: From idolatry to faith

An e-mail from a friend sparked my imagination about a vital requirement for maintaining spiritual and emotional health: Letting go. It’s the ability, as well as the willingness, to relinquish control of and obsession about plans and situations and other people, both past and present. Folks who let go seem to be more successful at navigating the twists and turns of life than those who can’t, or won’t, my friend observed.

She’s correct, you know. The Bible, literature and “real life” are filled with the stories of people who could not let go and suffered the consequences. Lot’s wife refused to let go of her hometown, Sodom, and perished (Genesis 19:24-26). The Children of Israel would not let go of their fear, and they died in the wilderness (Numbers 13-14). The rich ruler could not let go of his wealth, and he gave up a relationship with Jesus (Luke 18:18-30). The Pharisees and Saducees could not comprehend letting go of their idea of a military messiah, and they missed meeting the true Messiah. Today, the grapevine of family and friends as well as the news bring tales of sorrow and woe because people refuse to let go of ideas and notions that block them from true joy and gladness.

So, what should we let go? Each of us could write a list as unique as our thumbprints. I’ll go first and offer a few ideas for starters. To be spiritually and emotionally healthy, we need to let go of:

• The past. How often are people imprisoned by the past? They let failure, or even success, define them. Fixated on what was, they can’t get around to dealing with what is.

We certainly must learn from the past. Failure to learn dooms us to repetition. And we do well to appreciate the past, particularly all the joyful memories and valuable lessons. But the past is finished. No amount of re-living it, or anguishing over it, or even reveling in it will change the past and can only damage the present.

• Children. Letting go of children is perhaps the most wrenching challenge of parenting. That’s especially true when raising them has been a delight. But letting go is one of the most demanding and necessary tasks of parenthood.

Failure to let go is like holding a butterfly or a hummingbird in your hand. You may crave the connection, but inevitably, you inflict harm. Children do not exist for the pleasure and amusement of their parents. As much as we feel children belong to us, we do not own them. We’re only stewards, and they cannot be all God intended them to be unless we let them go.

• Other loved ones. Often, grief compels us to hold on to those we love, even when health demands we must let go. This can happen when someone we love dies. We weren’t ready to say goodbye, and so we traverse our grief as a bridge. If we suffer, we still feel connected. Similarly, it happens when a relationship—a marriage or a friendship—ends badly. All that remains is the pain, and we choose to writhe in order to remember.

Deep as the love is or was, it does not define us. Held-onto pain offers only a chimera, a shadow of past reality. Grief is natural, but it is not ultimate. If a loved one has died, we entrust that life to God’s sovereignty and grace. If a loved one has left, we recognize the otherness of our own self and trust God to fill the void of relationship.

• Plans. Most of us are inveterate planners. That’s not necessarily bad. Planning usually is productive. But sometimes, our plans—even our best, most treasured plans—are not God’s plans. Occasionally, our plans go awry. More often, they take a back seat to the demands of the day. And in the best times, they pale in comparison to what God has in store. Still, we cannot open our hands to receive God’s plans until we let go of the old plans we keep on clutching.

The danger—OK, let’s name it: sin—of refusing to let go is idolatry. This especially is true for the good we grasp. What could be more sacred than birthing and raising children? What we grasp most tightly can become our god. What we hold on to for security likewise is our god. But when we let go, we trust God for our future. We open our hands in faith to God. And we learn God’s love and imagination infinitely transcend our own.

Marv Knox is editor of the Baptist Standard. Visit his blog at www.baptiststandard.com.