Editorial: Listening vital for peace, reconciliation & evangelism

Can you recall a time when one of your natural gifts proved to be a glaring, embarrassing weakness? (An aside: If I ever set out to write the next “great American novel,” I want to explore that theme. Over and over, individuals’ strengths morph into their undoing. Fascinating.)

Editor Marv KnoxThis has happened to me far too often. One episode particularly haunts. Near the end of my sister’s life, her husband—my brother-in-law—and I got crossways. We differed on an important issue, and we disagreed substantially.

At its root, this was our problem: I thought he was illogical, and he thought I was a jerk. To remedy the situation, I proved we both were correct. I picked his position to pieces. Smithereens. Point by point, I systematically and analytically demonstrated the flaws in his thinking. For my effort, I drove us further apart.

This happened while Martha’s health deteriorated. We argued over an approach to her care. We both loved her dearly, and we agreed on what needed to be done to help her, but we didn’t agree on how to get it done. Because of my passion to force him to concede my point, I refused to acknowledge his underlying concern, and I put my beloved sister in an awkward position.

I failed to listen.

Unfortunately, I’m not unique. We live in a contentious culture. Arguments and adversarial relationships predominate. We’re polarized politically, socially, racially, economically, religiously. Far too often, we’re too busy shouting at each other to listen to each other.

What might happen if Christians employed listening as a tool to strengthen our society and expand God’s kingdom? For generations, Christians—particularly evangelicals—memorized the Romans Road, the Four Spiritual Laws and other techniques for talking people into following Jesus. We’ve fallen further and further behind. To complicate the problem, so much church rhetoric has been abrasive and anti-everything, unbelievers have closed their ears to Christian cacophony.

So, what if we listened?

What if we quit worrying about making our points, winning theological jousts or doctrinal sparring contests and just set out to hear and understand? What if we stopped trying to defend ourselves or win arguments at home, in the office, at school, among friends, or even in church and simply listened?

Taylor Sandlin, pastor of Southland Baptist Church in San Angelo, has been preaching through the New Testament epistle of James. On a recent Sunday morning, he challenged Southland members to “sow seeds of peace.” One of his peacemaking seeds involved listening.

“Find someone who thinks differently about you on any subject, … and simply tell them, ‘I would like to hear how you came to believe about that,’” Sandlin urged. “And here’s what I want you to do: Do not tell them how you came to believe how you believe. Simply spend time seeking to understand, not making yourself understood.”

Listening yields understanding

That’s sound, practical, loving advice. Launch or deepen relationships by actively listening. Listening yields understanding. Understanding produces empathy. Empathy strengthens human bonds, which in turn lead to reconciliation and renewal.

Of course, active listening is not easy. It’s more than being silent. It’s refraining from arguing—quietly or out-loud. It’s following along, keeping track of details shared and points made. It’s seeking to comprehend not only what is said, but what is not said, as well as what it all means.

Active listening is counter-intuitive. The human impulse pushes us to make ourselves understood, not to understand others. We want to be known. More than that, we want others to agree with us, to say we are correct. But active listening prioritizes, and it means placing a higher value on comprehending than being comprehended.

By the way, this is a great principle for prayer. Imagine how our lives would be different if we prioritized silence before God—intense listening to God—over reciting our litany of wants and desires.

Listening also strengthens marriages and improves parenting. It makes us better workers and colleagues. And it deepens and lengthens friendship.

A spirit of humility

Even when we disagree, listening reflects a spirit of humility. It tells the other person in the conversation: “You know, there’s an excellent chance you might be right. And I might be wrong.”

In a noisy, argumentative, contentious world, Christians can make a difference by changing our reputation. Rather than being known for shouting our beliefs and/or our disapproval, we can be seen as those who sit quietly and listen carefully.

Listening may not lead to world peace. But it can create peaceful places where care, empathy and respect can take root and grow.