Down Home: A car, a warning system & a conscience

My car is neurotic. Or maybe it suffers from hypochondria. (Would that make it a hypocardriac?) 

Here’s the deal: The dashboard features all sorts of icons that glow when things break down, go wrong or fail to follow the manufacturer’s plan. And there, over on the left, above the blinker switch, an emergency message box lights up with an explanation of whatever icon happens to be glowing at the time.

And here’s the other part of the deal: The odometer shows numbers north of 140,000. So that means the icons glow and the emergency message box lights up about as often as the squeaky fan that blows on the front passenger seat gets on my nerves.

In case you’re wondering, they both happen a bunch.

‘Low coolant’

Sometimes, it’s a good thing. Like when I drove out to the South Plains for a family funeral, and an exclamation point started flashing, and the emergency message box practically shouted, “Low coolant. Stop engine.” Sometimes, that emergency message box can be a bit of a drama queen.

Sure enough, the antifreeze was low. Only about a quart low, not bone dry, as the emergency message box would’ve led me to believe. 

Then it started proclaiming, “bulb failure low beam” and flashing that blasted exclamation point again. I know it’s telling the truth, because when I took my laundry to the cleaners, the reflection in the storefront window proved the headlight on the passenger side is out.

Of course, our friendly neighborhood garage will be more than happy to replace the headlight filament. By the way: Did you know it’s just about impossible to replace your own headlight these days? I’ve done it scores of times across the years, but not anymore. First, I don’t even think I have the tools to do the job. And if I did, I’d have scads of parts all over the garage floor, and I’d never get them back in the right places.

Now, here’s why I think my car is neurotic and/or a hypochondriac. The flat-tire icon keeps coming on, and the emergency message box flashes, “tire pressure low.” Of course, I get out and look at the tires. Filled and firm. I even pull out the tire-pressure gauge. Normal. But that’s not what the car thinks. 

Crying ‘wolf’

Maybe the haywire part is the sensor that tells my car a tire is flat. Ain’t that the dickens? It’s the automotive equivalent of that little boy crying, “Wolf!”

So, when I take the car in to fix the headlight, I think I’ll have the mechanic check the tire sensors and, since we’re already there, give the cooling system a once-over.

My car’s dashboard kind of reminds me of a conscience. When it works, it can steer you from danger. And when it goes on the fritz, it can drive you nuts. 

But, of course, a conscience is more important. We’re talking about behavior and consequences and relationships and reputation. Better to heed the warning first and then check the monitor.