DOWN HOME: Catholics, donuts & one deadly sin

A couple of Sundays ago, Joanna sent me to the donut shop while she finished getting ready for church. That always drives me nuts.

The donut shop nearest our house keeps its apple fritters on the top shelf of the display case. They look like the best kind of fritters: Not too thick, but crispy on the edges. With crystallized pools of frosting randomly dolloped in the crevices. The kind of apple fritters whose unadulterated sweetness contrasts perfectly with a cup of strong black coffee.

Of course, I don’t know for sure. That’s why they drive me nuts. I don’t think about dropping by the donut shop on Saturday mornings, when I actually have time to eat an apple fritter. And besides, I don’t really need the calories.

Speaking of Saturdays, are donut shops open Monday through Saturday? I only go on Sundays, before church, stocking up for Sunday school.

So, the other day when I went donut shopping for Jo, I drove past St. Ann Parish on the way. St. Ann’s is a huge Catholic church in our neighborhood. I need to visit sometime. I could just about pick any moment from Saturday afternoon through Sunday evening. Something’s always going on, and their parking lots are packed.

As I drove past St. Ann’s, my mouth watering from the donut smells, I wondered: “Do Catholics buy tons of donuts on Sundays?” Baptists descend on donut shops every Lord’s Day morning because we expect to eat sweets during Sunday school. But what about Catholics?

In seminary, I had to learn A LOT about Catholics. Like succession of the popes. The Holy Roman Empire. Catechism. A slew of religious orders. Sacraments. The fact Catholics believe the bread and wine of the Lord’s Supper, or Eucharist, actually become the body and blood of Christ. The Second Vatican Council. And a bunch of other stuff. But nobody mentioned donuts.

I’m thinking the answer is no, Catholics don’t cart donuts to church. If they did, all the donut shop owners in our part of town would be driving big, fancy cars. But I doubt it. And the reason, believe it or not, is theological. Sort of, anyway: Catholics don’t have adult Sunday school. So, they don’t need donuts like Baptists do.

Lutherans, on the other hand, apparently need beer. A friend of mine went to a wedding at a Lutheran church, and he came back amazed. The Lutherans have a tap in the Fellowship Hall.

Maybe Lutherans are more civil than Baptists. Because if Baptists served beer in the Fellowship Hall, that would be bad news. Think about it: By the time we settle down for Bible study, we’ve already got a sugar high from the donuts. If we added a beer buzz and then got around to debating the fine points of the day’s Scripture passage … . Well, you can only imagine the result.

So, we should just stick to donuts and coffee. And ignore our Catholic friends when they remind us gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins.