Right or Wrong: Passages in life

We often talk about rites of passage and describe life’s changes in rigid either/or terms. Isn’t life really a matter of transitions during which value formation’s ebbs and flows may be discerned only in retrospect?

Another way of approaching this question is to ask, “When do you really begin to live?” So much of life seems “in preparation.” Kindergarten prepares us for grade school, which prepares us for middle school, which prepares us for high school, which prepares us for trades, work, family or college.

We can hardly wait to get out of one to get into another. Sometimes during the processes we are in a “going to” mode. The problem is that we miss life while we are “going to.” “Are we there yet?” becomes a question of our existence.

Rites of passage

Some cultures have rites of passage, things you do to pass from one level of existence to another or to at least be affirmed. The educational process recognizes these rites. While growing up in rural Pennsylvania, the 4-H Clubs and Future Farmers of America were rites of passage for us.

In African countries, I have observed 12- and 13-year-olds being separated from their families for rites of passage activities, after which they would be declared adults, or with adult responsibilities. Mentorships also are rites of passage intending to send one forth prepared for responsibility.

So, when does one feel like one is beginning to live, to embrace life and be embraced by life, to feel fulfilled?

Someone has said: “One does not find out what life is about until it is time to check out. Then it is too late.” When reviewing old home movies or photos, we are surprised to see ourselves when we were less mature or while doing things now considered immature. Change has come. It is the only thing about which we can be certain. Often, when it comes and we review our past, we have what are called “aha” moments.

These are times when things suddenly make sense, or we begin to have a glimpse of awareness. That awareness takes us back to the times of our immaturity, when we did not really understand, or thought, or acted without forethought. Some of those actions were not intended to be offensive, hurtful, immature or abrupt, but the consequences were the same.

Changing attitudes

The first church I pastored had the baptismal pool under the pulpit. When we baptized, the deacons would set the pulpit aside, pull the rug back and lift a door under which was the baptistery. As a young preacher, there were times when I said things I later discovered were wrong, inappropriate or just careless. It was those times I wished the floor would open up and hide my embarrassment.

A friend and I often recall how as 30-year-olds, we criticized the older ministers. We made such remarks as, “Why don’t they get out of the way and let us lead?” Now, we are the older ministers.

A favorite psalm of mine is Psalm 25:6, 7: “Remember, O Lord, thy tender mercies and thy loving kindnesses: for they have been ever of old. Remember not the sins of my youth nor my transgressions, according to thy mercy remember thou me for they goodness sake, O Lord.” (KJV)

Indeed, retrospect can heighten our moral sensitivities and formation toward our next stage of life.

Emmanuel McCall, DMin, is interim pastor of Friendship Baptist Church in Atlanta, Ga., and adjunct faculty at McAfee School of Theology.