Age influences a person’s expressions of grief, as do “culture and previous exposure to loss,” notes Jocelyn D’Antonio in the Journal of Psychosocial Nursing and Mental Health Services. Some have questioned whether young children are capable of grief, but most believe “children of all ages … grieve, although their grief is different from that of adults,” she adds.

Teri ReedAdults who help children must understand their development to provide effective care for grieving children.

Expressions of grief

Children 7 to 8 years old have an advantage in that they have more advanced language skills than younger children and are more likely to speak openly about death and dying than adolescents, D’Antonio reports. They may talk about the deceased as being in heaven and use “clothing or other personal items (of the deceased) in their play.”

Seven- and 8-year-olds begin to use logical thinking and problem-solving skills and think less in terms of magic. They also begin to understand “the permanency of death” but see it as happening to others who are “old and weak,” James Morgan and Jesse Roberts explain in the Journal of Mental Health Counseling.

These children often “feel guilty when someone close to them dies, because they believe that they should have (tried to) prevent it,” Morgan and Roberts say. Common signs of sadness and anger over their loss are to be expected, as are physical symptoms, such as stomachaches and a heavy dependence on or clinginess to their caregiver, D’Antonio observes.

Children 9 to 12 years old “begin to think of death in more abstract terms because of changes in their cognitive development,” Morgan and Roberts say. Because they can build upon experience, these children begin to understand how and why things happen.

They “move from magical thinking about death to understanding the reasons living things die,” reports Kenneth Doka in Family and Community Ministries. Although this age may understand the definition of death, they may not recognize personal mortality, he adds. Their thinking is oriented in the here-and-now with a continued, yet diminishing, focus on the self.

How to help

It is important to reassure children under age 9 that the death or loss was not their fault, even if they do not verbalize guilt, Morgan and Roberts explain. A primary caregiver should provide support during times of clinginess and resist the urge to force independence on a child, D’Antonio stresses.

This is accomplished by being sensitive to immediate emotional needs and following the lead of the child regarding times of separation from the primary caregiver. If a caregiver is able to allow a child who is distressed and clingy to run errands with them, the child can enjoy the security of spending time with the caregiver.

Routine tasks provide a feeling of familiarity, safety, opportunities for sharing and a relaxed atmosphere. This also provides an opportunity for the caregiver to model for the child how to continue living after loss.

Books and focused storytelling also can be utilized to provide role models of how to cope with loss and create an open forum for discussion on grief-related feelings and concerns, D’Antonio suggests. Children who receive bereavement support through ongoing informative discussion and conversation cope better when support and interventions are crafted around their stage of development, she notes.

Preparing to care

Adults who seek to care for grieving children also should tend to themselves in order to provide the best care for children. They can maintain spiritual discernment by practicing spiritual disciplines, including daily prayer and Bible study. Practices of good physical and psychological health should coincide with spiritual health to exercise good stewardship of oneself. If an adult neglects psychological wounds, those wounds inhibit the effectiveness of their care for others.

Melissa Kelley, in Grief: Contemporary Theory and the Practice of Ministry, would add that adults should “encourage and allow the larger community of faith to do its part in caring for those who grieve.” Utilizing the help of a church family in grief care shows good stewardship and is a responsible avenue for sharing the burden instead of relying solely upon oneself.

Good news in the midst of grief

“God’s grace can be discovered in all grief. Nothing separates us from the love of God—not even … grief,” assures James Mayfield in Amazing Grace in the Midst of Grief. That grace can be found even in grief is indeed good news for all. What a wonderful gift such grace can be for even the youngest among us who grieve.

Kelley explains how adults can give this gift of grace to those who grieve. Adults can provide comfort through the provision of understanding, acceptance and hope. Understanding is achieved by educating, acceptance by listening actively and attentively, and hope by communicating God’s restorative word.

Teri Reed is a youth-care specialist with ACH Child and Family Services, a member of South Hills Baptist Church in Fort Worth and a graduate student at the B.H. Carroll Theological Institute.

BGCT: Big-tent people

I am honored to be a Texas Baptist. I confess I am tired of being called homophobic and told that my interpretation of Scripture is discrimination against homosexuals. I believe the Scriptures do discriminate against sinful behaviors, and this is one of those sinful behaviors.

I love local-church autonomy and want us to be a big tent people, and we are. I don’t, however, want to compromise Scripture for a big tent. I appreciate the autonomy of the BGCT as well and the priesthood of all believers, and the priesthood has spoken.

If Westboro Baptist Church were a member of the Baptist General Convention of Texas, I suspect some who are arguing for local-church autonomy would be the first to make a motion to remove fellowship, and I would gladly second such a motion.

I believe these two churches do not desire to be harmonious, but rather desire to push a cultural agenda, using the media and our polity to bully us into accepting a position outside of Scripture.

In my opinion they are letting culture not Scripture dictate their theology. I appreciate my friend Howard Batson’s guest editorial on the issue on the issue and hope you will read his compelling comments.

Daniel Downey
Memphis

Out-of-state letters

Why are you printing letters from people who do not live in Texas? I don’t care what they think. They have no voice in the BGCT. If their letters are all you have, then print nothing.

Bruce Irving
George West

My church is something of an anomaly. We’re a Baptist church that follows the church calendar and observes the seasons of the church year. Our denomination as a whole is not usually liturgically minded, but it’s one of my favorite things about our congregation: We run on our own calendar, distinct from what the rest of the (Baptist) world is doing. The church runs on its own schedule and in its own time.

Jake RaabeAlthough most Baptists don’t use a formal liturgy like my church, there’s one season on the church calendar that nearly all of us celebrate, and it began last Sunday, Nov. 27. When November draws to a close, most churches enter a time markedly different from the rest of the year. In the days leading up to the fifth Sunday before Christmas, sanctuaries change colors, music ministers open up new songbooks and preachers prepare to preach from a specific selection of texts and themes. When Advent arrives, something changes in church life.

“Coming towards”

The word “Advent” literally means “coming toward.” Advent actually is the story of two comings. We remember the first time God came to Earth in the person of Jesus in anticipation of the next time he will come near. Thus, our celebrations of Advent are multi-layered. Seeing the baby in the manger, we consider the next time we will see Christ. Hearing about the joy of those who first heard the announcement God had entered the world, we look forward to the joy we will feel when we experience this firsthand.

If ever a year needed an Advent, it’s 2016. This year has seen so much chaos and suffering, it’s hard to keep track of it all. The Zika virus, the global refugee crisis, the deadliest hurricane season in more than a decade, one of the most contentious presidential election cycles in American history, and so on. The feeling of disappointment with this year was perhaps best displayed by comedian John Oliver, who ended his third season by literally setting “2016” on fire. In a year of constant and fierce division, one thing has been agreeable to everyone: 2016 has been hard.

In the context of such a difficult year for so many, the message of Advent is even more pertinent. To observe Advent is to remember what God has done in anticipation of what God will do. As we see Hurricane Matthew devastating our brothers and sisters in Haiti, we long for a better world. When deep fissures are created in family relationships over political issues, we feel there must be a better way. In Advent, we remember God cared so much about much about our suffering that he entered into history to suffer alongside us and undo the evil we brought into the world through sin.

God with us

When Matthew sought to communicate in his Gospel just what happened in that stable in Bethlehem, he used a Hebrew word, Emmanuel, “God with us.” Although God always was with his people, in Christ, God became “God with us” in a new and unimaginable way that altered the course of history and the destiny of the world. Christ began a work in the world that he promises to bring to a completion himself.

As the Apostle Paul reminds us, “We know that the whole creation has been groaning in labor pains until now and not only the creation, but we ourselves … groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. For in hope we were saved” (Romans 8:22-24).

Recapture Advent

This year has been hard. For that reason, we should recapture what Advent meant to the first Christians who celebrated it. As we change out the colors and the decorations in our sanctuaries, and as we swap out the décor in our homes, let us remember why we do these things: They remind us of God’s first entrance into the world and help us anticipate the second.

In 2016, let us remember the prayer of the anonymous hymnist centuries ago:

O come, O come, Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel.

Jake Raabe is a student at Baylor University’s George W. Truett Theological Seminary in Waco, Texas.

What you do in your normal life, your everyday routine, is important to God. In our current church culture, we seem to focus on those who are doing “big” things for God. We praise those who can fill stadiums and church buildings, those who write books and make music.

Zac HarrelBut when we give in to a celebrity culture, we lose the power of ordinary faithfulness. The power of the gospel is not communicated most clearly in a stadium of 20,000. It is communicated most clearly when Christians live faithfully in their everyday lives.

Ordinary faithfulness

You can make a huge difference for the kingdom of God, just by being faithful to love God and love your neighbor in your everyday life. Ordinary faithfulness cannot be measured, but the difference it makes is eternal. God has placed you in the family you have, the job you work and the community where you live for a purpose. You don’t have to be a televangelist, a musician or a politician to do meaningful kingdom work.

This is not to say we don’t need Christians who use their gifts to preach to huge crowds, to make God-glorifying music or to lead us politically. We need Christians in every sphere of life, but we must not take away the beauty and power of ordinary faithfulness and ordinary Christians.

The glory of the kingdom of God is you can make an eternal difference in your office, on the farm and in the school. God uses us where we are and with the gifts he has given to us. For instance, I pastor a small church in a town no one has ever heard of, but this church is an outpost of the kingdom of God, and here lives are changed eternally. In my church, there are men and women who are living faithful lives in their homes and in their jobs. They are faithful to God where he has planted them. You never will hear their names, but God knows them and he will honor their faithfulness.

Be who God has called

I long for the day when the church frees men and women to be whom God has called them and to be where God has planted them. The calling of the pastor and the church is to equip our people to do the work of the ministry. Churches must free people up to be faithful in their everyday lives.

We talk about men and women who have done “big” things and the “big” names of the faith from the past. They are great examples, but for many of us, we will not be known outside of our own ZIP code. Highlight those men and women in your congregation who serve God well day-in and day-out, who love their neighbor well day-in and day-out. Encourage them and challenge others to follow their example.

For the holidays …

The holidays give us a great opportunity to live out this ordinary faithfulness. Reach out to those who have lost loved ones recently. Just send them a note or card or give them a phone call to let them know you are thinking about them. Make a visit to a widow or widower or invite them to your table to celebrate with your family. These aren’t huge gestures, but they are faithful ones.

We don’t have to do big things for God. We just have to be faithful where God has placed us and with the gifts God has given to us.

When all we do is celebrate the big and so-called Christian celebrities, we are telling others their ordinary lives don’t matter, and they should leave the world changing-ministry to others.

The truth is world-changing ministry happens around our dinner tables and in our coffee shops. World-changing ministry happens with life-long friendships and co-workers in the next cubicle.

God wants to use you right where you are to show his glory and grace to your family and to your community. Your everyday routine matters to God, because it is through your everyday routine you can be faithful to love God and love your neighbor. Be faithful in what God has given you and where God has placed you.

Be faithful in the ordinary.

Zac Harrel is pastor of First Baptist Church in Gustine, Texas.

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.” (Ephesians 2:4-6)

Jason DuntonWe are up to our eyeballs in Christmas preparation at our church right now. With everything from banquets, to decorations, to mission projects, to special Christmas services, we really have a lot going on.

I’m not sure whether it’s all of the activities of this season, or simply the busyness that surrounds it, but there is always a palpable buzz that permeates everything this time of year— and there should be. These are good things. It’s a great thing to celebrate with friends, family and co-workers at the end of the year. To celebrate the victories, to acknowledge growth through defeats, to express gratitude for one another and to the Lord for everything that happened over the last 12 months.

We should be excited when Christmas rolls around each year. The Advent of our Lord Jesus Christ is the foundation of our hope and something that should perpetually drive us to our knees in wonder and awe.

Anxiety, not awe

Unfortunately for so many, this time of year is not marked by wonder but by stress that comes from overloaded schedules, Christmas parties, school productions and gift shopping. Instead of awe, we find people gripped with anxiety as they prepare for the pressure that comes with family visits, meals to prepare and even more gift shopping.

I understand this. I really do. As a worship pastor, I feel the weight of this season every single year. I feel the pressure to put things before the congregation that not only are meaningful, but also bigger than last year, better than last year, different than last year, etc. I receive the flurry of emails from church members who all have personal and passionate stakes in what the decorations should look like, the songs that should be sung, who should be involved in the services and productions, and so on. There is a lot going on.

In a lot of ways, the Christmas season seems to come like a hurricane. I’ve found if you’re not anchored to something deep, you’re easily swept away by all of the activity, expectations and busyness.

“Do they know …?”

At one of our rehearsals for our Christmas service, one of the students who recently came to know the Lord and is also a part of our praise band came into the worship center and asked if it was OK to sit with me and listen for a while, to which I said “of course!”

After sitting and listening to a few songs, this student leaned over and whispered, “Do they know what they are singing?”

At first, I was a little confused at the question, so I pressed for clarification. “Do you mean, conceptually?” I asked.

She shook her head and then said: “What I meant was, do they know what they’re singing? I hear the words but I’m not buying it.”

Over the next several minutes, the Holy Spirit washed over me with waves of conviction and allowed the immensity of that insight to absolutely blow my heart to pieces. I found myself beginning to confess to the Lord about all of the times I recently spoke about the glorious grace of Jesus, but my attitude and actions were absent from that speech. I confessed that in the busyness of rehearsals, volunteer coordination and service planning, I had allowed my heart to become numb to the majesty of Emmanuel.

And for the follower of Christ, this is a tragedy.

Picture of reality

I’m a huge football fan. I especially love professional football. My Dallas Cowboys are having an absolutely fantastic year, even if it’s without Tony Romo, which makes me a little sad, but I’m not going to get into all of that right now.

One of my favorite parts of football is the pre-game ritual. This usually is when the team will circle up and a player, often a captain, will bounce to the center of the circle and yell at everybody to get them “fired up.”

One of my all-time favorite pre-game rituals is one the San Francisco 49ers used to do a few years back. During their pre-game circle, the “man in the center” would yell “Who’s got it better than us?” and the rest of the team would shout back to answer him with “Nobody!”

I love that. I’ve always thought that is an incredibly beautiful picture of the reality that we enjoy as believers. There are so many places in Scripture that illustrate this truth, but one only has to visit Ephesians 2 to be confronted with the immeasurable, glorious reality that the follower of Christ lives in. Our great hope, found in the person and work of Jesus Christ, affords us many gifts, and one of the richest gifts we receive through him is the unshakable joy of who we’ve become.

Our hope

When we were hopeless, God introduced himself as our hope. When we were lost in the dark, God introduces himself as the light of our world. When we were dead, God spoke into our tomb and raised us to life so we could walk out of it.

So, as we wade into the often-treacherous, stressful, anxiety-producing waters of this holiday season, may we wear faces that beam with an unshakable joy. May we not cease to share the reason for this great hope that we have. May our love toward one another answer any question of who we are and whose we are.

Because, who’s got it better than us? Nobody.

Jason Dunton is the contemporary worship arts pastor at First Baptist Church in Bryan, Texas, where he lives and loves with his wife, Joanna, daughter, Penelope, and English bulldog, Grubby.

Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

Eric BlackHe took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”

“Teacher,” said John, “we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us.”

“Do not stop him,” Jesus said. “For no one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whoever is not against us is for us. Truly I tell you, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to the Messiah will certainly not lose their reward. (Mark 9:35-41)

“Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

You mean, if we’re going to sign up for this Christianity thing, Jesus expects us to come in dead last, to serve everybody else? Well, that’s not a very good sales pitch for a ticket to heaven! Why would Jesus say that?

What Jesus said

If we zoom out and read what Jesus said to his followers right before, we may have our answer”

They left (where they were) and passed through Galilee. Jesus did not want anyone to know where they were, because he was teaching his disciples. He said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men. They will kill him, and after three days he will rise.” But they did not understand what he meant and were afraid to ask him about it.

They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the road?” But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest (Mark 9:30-34).

Jesus needed some private time with his followers to tell them one of the most important things he was ever going to tell them, “They’re going to kill me.” Then, all his followers could do was argue about which of them was the greatest, the most important, the best. I wonder what criteria they used to one-up each other?

Did anyone hear?

Did anyone hear Jesus say they were going to kill him?

Did anyone hear Jesus say if we are going to follow him, we have to be ready to die, too? (Mark 8:34-35)

Did anyone hear Jesus say if we are not even willing to die, if we do not give up everything we have, we cannot follow him? (Luke 14:27, 33)

We say we believe Jesus speaks the truth (John 14:6) and then proceed to shove one another down the mountain so we can be king.

Not one of us

In Jesus’ time, women and children were shoved down the mountain.

In Jesus’ country, Samaritans and Gentiles couldn’t even get to the mountain. They were despised and ridiculed and kept at the far reaches of polite society with the sinners and lepers.

Yet women and children, Samaritans and Gentiles, sinners and lepers were central to Jesus’ ministry. He went out of his way to care for them. He healed them and forgave them. He put his neck on the line for them.

We’re better than they are …

Today, our women and children, our Samaritans and Gentiles, our sinners and lepers are people with different-colored skin, people with different political views, people with different languages, people who were born somewhere else, people with different buying power, people with different health, people with different preferences, people who are just plain different from us.

We cut down the different people with our words, with the way we talk about them or to them. We cut down the different people with our actions, the way we treat them or ignore them or disown them.

We say we cut down the different people because we are right and they are wrong. What we don’t say is we think we are better than they are and need to cut them down so we can stay on top of the mountain.

So, we cut

We cut down the different wherever we find them.

It’s one thing for us to turn our noses up at those outside the church, those who are not a part of the body of Christ, though doing so still is not acting like Christ.

It’s another thing to turn our noses up at our own, to push down men and women, boys and girls who also claim Jesus is Lord but who are somehow different.

I’ve seen on Facebook how some of us think about others who are different. I’ve heard out of the mouths of some of the people in the church what they think about others who are different from them. I have seen and heard ungodly opinions about black people and brown people, poor people and rich people, gay people and promiscuous people, conservative people and liberal people—and all of it coming out of the mouths and showing up on the Facebook profiles of people who one moment heard Jesus say, “Take up your cross and deny yourself, serve each other, love each other”—people who one moment claim Jesus is Lord, and who in the next moment proclaim “truths” Jesus never preached.

The hardest part of this is admitting I have done the same thing. I have said uncharitable things about people who see the Bible differently than I do and who act on their view of the Bible in ways I don’t like. I have thought I am better and smarter than they are because I don’t do what they do. I have criticized these others who serve in Jesus’ name because they aren’t “one of us.”

Put away

It’s time to put away our divisive ways.

Such talk and behavior does not characterize a follower of Jesus, because Jesus said the greatest are servants of all.

Such talk and behavior does not unify the church—the body of Christ—but divides and diminishes it.

Such talk and behavior does not draw people to Jesus but drives them away and defeats the work of the church, which is to shine the light of Christ to the world so all may see our good works and praise God in heaven.

Others first

It’s time to put others before ourselves.

In place of such talk and behavior, in place of trying to secure our place at the table, in place of shoving others off the mountain, we who call ourselves followers of Jesus must do like Jesus and serve one another.

• We must speak of each other with the dignity that being created in God’s image demands.

• We must treat one another as Christ commands.

• We must do our work of advancing God’s kingdom in the power of the Holy Spirit, serving others through love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Eric Black is pastor of First Baptist Church in Covington, Texas, and a member of the Baptist Standard Publishing board of directors.

Ross Shelton is pastor of First Baptist Church in Brenham, where he has served three years. From deep in the heart of one Texan, he shares his background and thoughts on ministry. To suggest a Baptist General Convention of Texas-affiliated minister to be featured in this column, or to apply to be featured, click here.

Background

• Where else have you served in ministry, and what were your positions there?

I have served as the pastor of First Baptist Church in Castroville, 2004-2007, and First Baptist Church in Woodville, 2007-2013.

• Where did you grow up?

I grew up in Houston.

• How did you come to faith in Christ?

At age 9, I came under conviction that I was a sinner and was ready to receive Christ, by faith, as my Savior. My mom set up a time to talk with our pastor, Lester Collins of Tallowood Baptist Church in Houston. In his office, Pastor Collins led me in the prayer to receive Christ as my Savior.

• Where were you educated, and what degrees did you receive?

I graduated from Jersey Village High School in Houston, Houston Baptist University (bachelor of arts in Christianity and history), Baylor University’s George W. Truett Theological Seminary (master of divinity) and Dallas Baptist University (doctor of philosophy in leadership studies). I also attended Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary for a year before transferring to Truett Seminary.

Ministry/Church

• Why do you feel called into ministry?

During my senior year of high school, I was struggling with whether or not God was calling me to pastoral ministry. My youth pastor at Jersey Village Baptist Church at the time, Steve Ray, and I spoke numerous times. I eventually surrendered to the calling and was licensed on Feb. 12, 1997, during my senior year of high school.

• What one aspect of congregational life gives you the greatest joy?

I enjoy being with people and seeing God work in their lives. I also enjoy the work of preaching and visioning.

• What one aspect of congregational life would you like to change?

I’d like to change the way people think about the changes that accompany a focus on the future. I’ve been part of many conversations where the focus on the future was focused primarily on the fear of what may be lost instead of what might be gained. I’m constantly reminded of the note in Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky’s book, Leadership on the Line: “People do not resist change, per se. People resist loss.”

The challenge I’ve found is helping people see a change as a potential gain/opportunity and not be governed solely by their fear and anxiety of what may be lost.

• How has your ministry or your perspective on ministry changed?

I’ve changed in becoming more relational in my approach to ministry. While I was in college and seminary, I was devoted to and enjoyed the cerebral aspects of ministry preparation—studying, writing, etc. As God has grown and stretched me, I’ve become much more focused on and enjoy the relationships associated with being a pastor.

• How do you expect congregational life to change in the next 10 to 20 years?

1. Musical styles will continue to shift toward “contemporary” musical selections and accompaniment.

2. Churches will become more accustomed to being a minority within the dominant culture.

3. Churches will have to give attention to how they want to use their facilities, especially if the facilities were built for a previous generation’s concept of how to do church.

4. Churches will continue to be refined as “cultural Christians” leave the church.

• What qualities do you look for in a congregation?

All three churches I’ve pastored have been a “First Baptist Church” and had gone through an intentional interim process before my arrival. Each church had experienced a season of conflict, difficulty and/or stagnation. As God called me to each of these churches, my wife and I looked for the following:

1. How might God be glorified in bringing renewal to that church?

2. How willing are the people to adapt and make changes to reach people with the gospel? Sometimes, churches think calling a young pastor will somehow solve all their problems —“We won’t have to change.”

3. Is there a good values and expectation fit between the church and us?

4. Ultimately, though, what needed to be clarified, even if it didn’t make sense to others, was whether God was calling us to that church.

• What do you wish more laypeople knew about ministry or, specifically, your ministry?

I wished people knew how much energy is given to administrative tasks in a mid-size church like First Baptist Church in Brenham.

About Baptists

• What are the key issues facing Baptists—denominationally and/or congregationally?

1. I believe the major issue facing Baptists is the health of our churches. As our churches go, so goes the local, state and national denominational partnerships.

2. I also believe there is potential for both more fragmentation and consolidation at the state and national levels as beliefs, values and convictions become further clarified among the different groups.

About Ross

• Who were/are your mentors, and how did/do they influence you?

The people I consider my mentors/role models are people like …

Paul Powell, retired pastor and former dean of Truett Seminary

Bruce Webb, pastor of First Baptist Church in The Woodlands

Chris Gambill, director for the Center for Congregational Health

Gary Cook, chancellor and previous president of Dallas Baptist University

Shawn Shannon, Baptist Student Ministries director at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor

The reason I’ve picked these people is that God has placed them in my life at certain times to help provide me guidance and encouragement. I’ve also witnessed the character of their lives and the quality of their leadership. Therefore, they have provided me inspiration and a model of how I want to live and lead.

I also want to note how much I’ve learned from the pastoral staff members I served with at First Baptist Church in Woodville and continue to serve with at First Baptist Church in Brenham.

• What did you learn on the job you wish you learned in seminary?

I want to answer this question differently in that I do not believe seminary can or should try to teach everything related to pastoral ministry. Instead, I believe it is important for seminaries to train people in core competencies that are often difficult to nurture in the day-in-day-out dynamics of local church life.

In my opinion, the core competencies include training in the original languages of the Bible, learning to think theologically through the study and reflection of original writings/sources throughout church history, preaching methods, etc. Things like budget preparation, personnel management, etc. can be touched on and should be taught in seminary.

Nevertheless, if a seminary has equipped someone to be a life-long learner, then these will best be learned “on the job,” through mentoring and by reading.

• Name some of your favorite books (other than the Bible) or authors, and explain why.

I’ve been greatly influenced by Henry Blackaby’s writings. I always have my copy of Experiencing God near me so that I can pick it up and read it as needed. I usually read through it every year.

In terms of leading, I’ve been helped greatly by the following two books: Leadership on the Line: Staying Alive through the Dangers of Leading by Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky, as well as A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix by Edwin Friedman.

• Who is your favorite Bible character (other than Jesus)? Why?

I’ve come to appreciate the Apostle Paul more as I’ve read his God-inspired writings through the lenses of how he pastored people. When I read his letters, I read them not only devotionally, but also with an eye to how to pastor. Paul’s willingness to give up his rights and put up with hardship and do so joyfully for the sake of the gospel is always inspiring.

• If you could get one “do over” in ministry, what would it be, and why?

There have been a number of times that I gave more attention to an outcome instead of the process. I’ve learned in church life and in serving within Baptist groups that “process is just as important as the outcome.” When I haven’t thought carefully about the process, I’ve opened myself to criticism of trying to act “top-down” or “unilaterally.”

I’m learning that an effective, healthy, and thought-through process may take longer, but the outcome, even if it involves change, is better received and more unifying.

To read other “Deep in the Hearts of Texans” profiles, click here.

I am incredibly grateful God allowed me to say “no” to other things this semester so I could say “yes” to the most important things. One of the most important things is a weekly Bible study with two other students. My friend Shea and I have the blessing of studying the Gospel of John this semester with our international student friend who is not yet a follower of Christ.

Having walked with Christ for a good portion of my life and having grown up in a home where Scripture was read daily—a treasure in itself, as I have come to understand—many Bible stories became familiar. This semester, as we study John’s Gospel together, the Lord has given me fresh eyes for his word. There is something so challenging about diving into Scripture with someone whose first language is different from my own. It’s beautiful to hear our friend read a passage of Scripture in her native language for the first time. It’s a sweet reminder that one day every nation, tribe and tongue will be singing praise to our God (Revelation 7:9).

Each week, we break down a chapter verse by verse and summarize the passage. In doing so, the words that had become familiar to me have been seen with fresh eyes and brought about a deeper understanding of God’s character. Through this, the Lord has given me a new awe for Scripture. God has given me a deeper understanding of his heart as we study Christ’s ministry on earth.  

During our study, we wrestle through hard questions with our friend. We reflect on the power in the words of Jesus as we break the stories down and study what Jesus is teaching us. This is the essence of discipleship—opening up the Word and wrestling through the tough questions wherever people are.

So here we are, two college students with busy schedules but more than that is a deep desire for our sweet friend to know who Jesus is and to know that the same God who walked this earth wants to walk in personal relationship with her. This is the greatest news that we could share with someone. This puts everything in our crazy-busy lives into perspective. So in the middle of the day, between classes, we show up and dive into the Bible with expectant hearts to learn more about who Jesus is as we look at his ministry and his character. 

God is always faithful, and our conversation is always fruitful. We study. We share. We wrestle. We reflect. We tell others. It’s simply a matter of walking in obedience right where we are at and asking that the Lord will move and draw us closer to him. He always does. In doing so, the Lord has given me fresh eyes for his word and a deeper understanding of His character.

During our study each week, we discuss the example set by the first followers of Christ and their faith. This stirs up questions about what faith is and has given me opportunities to share how I have seen the faithfulness of God again and again in my own life. One of the most encouraging events of this Bible study was the day we studied John 3 and afterwards our friend told us she wanted to tell her friends that God loves all people and that they can pray to him. It is in these simple yet profound statements that we see evidence of her faith increasing. That same day she articulated the Gospel entirely in English!

A week later, after studying the story of the Samaritan woman at the well, our friend articulated to us the command that Christians have to share the news of Jesus with others. I’m eager to see how God continues to stir her heart as we study the rest of John’s Gospel this semester. What a blessing it has been to see the ways the Lord is already stirring her heart. I walk away each week in awe of the evident presence of the Holy Spirit during our time together. Our hearts break for her daily as we continue to pray that she soon will make the commitment to step out in faith and follow Christ. Every week, we discuss the reality of eternity apart from Christ as our broken hearts yearn for her to understand the certainty that she can have of eternity with God.

A weekly free lunch attracts University of Texas at Dallas students to the Baptist Student Ministry.May our hearts continue to break for the lost that we encounter each day. May our breaking hearts for the lost stir within us a desire to share the gospel message with gladness. Please join me in praying that opportunities to build relationships continue on the UTD campus. Pray that the international students who hear the gospel for the first time continue to ask questions and that they might have an eagerness to study the Scriptures. Pray that the weekly free lunch ministry will be fruitful and draw the lost on our campus into conversation about who Jesus is. Pray that hearts will be receptive to the gospel. Pray that students will be eager and obedient to build these relationships and study the Bible with our peers. Pray that we would never lose sight of the gift of reaching the nations right where God has placed us.  

Bethany Dempsey is a student at the University of Texas at Dallas, where she is involved in the Baptist Student Ministry.

I believe we sometimes overlook the importance of intentionality. We are sure to turn it on when it’s convenient, and at other inconvenient and uncomfortable moments, we turn it off. We must remember Jesus lived a life of complete intentionality. I saw this reaffirmed by a recent experience I had that resulted in someone joining the kingdom of God.

About six weeks ago, I was leaving the parking lot of Rice University, preparing to go home. Little did I know I would see one of my old surface-level friends walking by, heading back to his dorm. After some debate with myself, I asked him if he wanted a ride. This was not because of some innate goodness. Honestly, I was ready to go home. What helped spur this was remembering Galatians 6:10: “So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.”

Quickly accepting the ride, my acquaintance jumped in my car, and we began engaging in small talk. Not too far into the conversation, he asked me what I was doing now. I gave a brief explanation about what a campus missionary intern is and all that it entails. Then, he asked if I would mind taking him to church sometime. I jumped at this opportunity, knowing it could lead to a bigger conversation about Jesus.

After our first trip to church, I invited my acquaintance to coffee so I could get to know him more. To my surprise, he said, yes. A few days later we met and I learned more about his backstory, in addition to discovering how he was personally and spiritually in life. After about an hour, I offered him an opportunity to read the Bible together in a way that would change his life. He showed interest—even admitted he had not done read it before. When we ended our first meeting, we set up a regular meeting schedule for the future to read the Bible together. I knew I had to be intentional here to help support his growth toward Jesus. Without intentionality here, I didn’t know when or if he would have read the Bible.

Showing signs of really wanting to seek Christ, my friend returned to church with me the next week. The following Monday, we met and discussed John 1 and 2. We lingered for a while on chapter 2 and discussed belief in Jesus to see whether he had really come to Christ. At this point, I knew he was seeking earnestly but still didn’t know if he was really a follower of Jesus. Just to probe a little, I decided to share the gospel, using Romans 10: 9-10. I knew for sure he believed Jesus existed and rose, but I asked if he had made Jesus Lord of his life. My friend quickly let me know he had not sincerely done it. I offered him the opportunity to accept Christ, and to my surprise, he quickly agreed.

I paused for a moment, filled with excitement and astonishment at what had just happened. After finally coming back to myself, we prayed. I told him now I was his brother, and if he needed something, to let me know, whether it was easy or difficult. Then I asked him how he felt, and he said, “Excited!” Since then, he has returned to church with me every week, joined a Bible study and still joins me once a week to read through John’s Gospel.

What struck me from this experience was how my near-lack of intentionality almost limited my friend on several occasions. My lack of faith and preconceived notions made me believe everyone needed a long time to truly decide to follow Jesus. In addition, I believed people would not follow after I first shared it.

I wonder how many times my lack of intentionality negatively affected people or even caused some to stumble. Intentionality exists in the convenient and inconvenient moments. Intentionality isn’t something to turn on or off, but rather something that should be integrated into every moment of everyday life, as it was with Jesus. I can attest that the more we implement and follow Jesus’ form of intentionality, the more souls we will help win. Jesus gave us the formula; we just need to follow it. In doing so, I guarantee that we will see our faith and productivity increase like never before.

Jonathan Price is serving with Go Now Missions as a campus missionary intern at Rice University.

The day Paige Patterson was installed as president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, he stated, “The New Testament is crystal clear that a woman cannot be a pastor.” I remember thinking at the time, my great-great-grandfather, Robert Morrison Currie, who came to Texas from Mississippi in 1857 and founded the First Baptist Church of LaVernia and was the first moderator of the San Antonio Baptist Association, probably felt that the New Testament was crystal clear that a white man could own a black man. After all, he was a man of his time in the South, and he certainly had Scriptures he could use to support that position on slavery.

I think both men are wrong in their interpretation of Scripture, but I tend to steer clear of making statements with certainty, because I know—as a fallible human being—I “see through a glass darkly.” This tendency to pull back from considering our own understanding as absolute may be the defining difference between what we call moderate Baptists and fundamentalist Baptists, although I don’t want to put those who disagree with these thoughts in the fundamentalist camp.

Now, do I believe there is “absolute truth” in Scripture about many things? Yes, I do. After all, my Ph.D. is in Christian ethics. My life has been about taking a stand. Do I believe I, as a sinful human being, can know absolute truth absolutely? Of course not! That is a claim of certainty that I would never make. We all should have convictions on which we base our lives, but dogmatism does not honor Christ.

I remember my college pastor telling me over lunch, “I never claim to have a message from God, because then if I say something stupid, the congregation has to decide if I’m a liar or God is an idiot.”

At this year’s Baptist General Convention of Texas annual meeting, messengers voted to declare any church that decides to include homosexuals in the full life of that church as being out of “harmonious cooperation” with the convention. I opposed the motion, because I saw the motion as having nothing to do with the biblical concept of marriage or homosexual activity but, rather, as being about Baptist polity. As executive director of Texas Baptists Committed for over two decades, I led the effort to keep the BGCT free from fundamentalist control, precisely so our state convention would not do this sort of thing but would respect local church autonomy and the priesthood of all believers.

Several of my friends have disagreed with me, with great certainty. They say the Bible is “crystal clear” about what constitutes biblical marriage and in declaring homosexual activity as sinful. They may be right, as I simply am not willing to say for sure, because again, I see “through a glass darkly.” I do know any Christian or church or convention has lost perspective when it substitutes morality for forgiveness—law for grace.

I also think many have never grasped that accepting and approving are not the same thing. I am not where Wilshire Baptist and First Baptist in Austin are on this issue, but I’m OK with them being there. 

Even if my friends are right, what happened to the principle of Baptists giving others the freedom to be wrong? How did the decisions of First Baptist in Austin or Wilshire Baptist in Dallas hurt the ministry of any church that disagrees with their actions? How did it hurt the BGCT or its ministries? It didn’t, and the arrogance of absolute certainty is never a healthy witness to a lost world. In my opinion, the convention’s action has harmed and weakened the witness of Texas Baptists.

To support their certainty, some used ludicrous analogies that they certainly would reject a church who practiced white supremacy or pedophilia. These examples are ludicrous, because they involve behavior that is abusive and harmful, and no Christian would support that; however, there is no evidence that sexual activity between consenting adults is abusive or harmful—even if it were unhealthy or sinful, as some say it is.

History has shown the universal church has been wrong on many issues throughout its history. This particular issue is far from settled, as many Christian denominations and churches have accepted homosexuals into the full life of the church. A person with an open mind should at least be willing to admit that, 100 years from now, the majority of Christian theologians, pastors, churches, etc., might come to view Christians of our time and past times—who interpret the Bible as being “crystal clear” in declaring homosexual behavior sinful—as having been wrong. Time will tell. But claiming certainty is the sin of arrogance.

As for me, I am not really angry, although I am sad. I am proud of my ministry and that of Texas Baptists Committed, even if it is not going to have lasting results in Texas Baptist life. Things change, and new leadership happens (see secular politics). I cannot know the future, but I know that certainty exercised in a cooperative effort leads to the exclusion of more and more who do not “get in line.” I expect, over time, the BGCT will merge with the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention for financial purposes, and our BGCT institutions will have a serious decision to make. If I were them, I would be making preparations now to become fully independent of BGCT governance.

I long ago decided most aspects of organized Christianity have a huge fear of true grace.  Grace is messy. Certainty is comforting to most. I will cast my lot with those who are comfortable struggling and hoping for enlightenment from time to time and always willing to make a mistake from being too committed to forgiveness and grace. As Paul said when he was at his best:

“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known” (1 Corinthians 13:12, KJV).

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13, NIV).

David R. Currie is a retired Baptist minister, and rancher and builder, and a member of Southland Baptist Church in San Angelo.

As Christians, and especially Baptist Christians, we should be able to disagree and then go on to work together, in the many areas where we agree, to carry the grace of Christ to a hurting world. There is too much need in the world for us to keep pushing each other out of the circle of shared ministry.

Read it here.

The first line from Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities has echoed around my cranium this year: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ….”

Marv Knox

For much of the year, the “worst of times” seemed to prevail.

When have we endured a more dispiriting, debasing, divisive debacle of a presidential campaign than in 2016? If I had a dime for every time someone said they needed to take a shower after listening to a debate or actually going to vote this year, I could do some powerful good in God’s kingdom. Unfortunately, the dismal tone of the campaign reflected the mood of the nation. We’re more divided than we’ve been in at least five decades—along racial, religious, cultural and economic lines. And given the polarizing nature of politics, we’re hard pressed to expect things to get better any time soon.

Closer, closer

Striking closer to home, the Baptist General Convention of Texas has experienced its share of discord, too. The sadness and embarrassment of Baylor University’s response to sexual assault—which included the departures of President Ken Starr and Head Coach Art Briles—stirred pain, remorse and anger far beyond direct members of the Baylor family. And reaction to churches’ response to human sexuality created the most divided BGCT annual meeting in almost two decades. At least two congregations will be cast out, and others are sure to follow.

These situations are grievous, whether or not you voted for the next president or approved of the BGCT’s decision. They’re bad enough because of the contention they create. But more disturbing, they point toward fissures within our society and convention. Those fissures reflect deep pain and anxiety, formed by circumstances that seem beyond individual control. Yet every soul feels them deeply and personally.

We have treated our culture—both secular and sacred—as a zero-sum game. Every winner requires a loser. Creative, redemptive solutions to challenging problems seem beyond comprehension, much less attainment.

We need Thanksgiving

So, thank God for Thanksgiving. Taking time to count blessings provides much-needed perspective, particularly in a pernicious year.

Of course, counting blessings does not remove curses. Recognizing benefit and joy and goodness does not eliminate anguish and challenge and injustice. But counting blessings lifts our eyes to the horizon. It helps us see the good in even the harshest circumstances and infuses us with hope for brighter tomorrows.

This year, our family has received monumental blessings. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for:

• Young Abram, God’s response to heartache and anguish.

Our older daughter, Lindsay, and her husband, Aaron, became parents of our oldest grandchild, Ezra, almost six years ago. But other expected children did not follow. For 10 months, they provided a home to a foster baby they hoped to adopt, until a judge had other ideas.

But this summer, through a word-of-mouth in Aaron’s hometown, they learned about a young mother of two little boys who needed a home for the third child she was carrying. Mere weeks later, Lindsay, Aaron and Ezra took Abram home from the hospital. And less than two months after that, he became their forever child, praise God.

• Improved health, God’s response to pain and uncertainty.

Joanna, my wife, first endured Miniere’s disease—an inner-ear condition that visits extreme dizziness and nausea upon its victim in a flash—almost a quarter-century ago. Miniere’s came and went twice across the decades. But it arrived with a vengeance this year. Jo could feel fine one minute, only to see the world spinning out of control the next. This made driving hazardous and a normal life next to impossible.

But thanks to the wisdom, patience and skill of doctors and medical experts near our home in Dallas, Jo underwent what seems to be successful surgery early this fall. Two months later, and no dizziness or nausea. Life is back to what passes around our house for normal.

• An impending doctorate, God’s response to a dream and hard work.

If all goes as scheduled, our younger daughter, Molly, will cross a stage and receive a Ph.D. degree from Texas Christian University in a few weeks. The little girl who loved to read has grown up to become an expert in young adult literature. She followed her passion, and she worked hard. God opened doors—at TCU, and before that, at Baylor, and before that, at Lewisville High School. She’s reached the end of a long academic road, at times thrilling and at times just plain long, is in sight.

And as an added blessing, next spring, Molly and her husband, David, and their 2-year-old daughter, Eleanor, will add another little girl to their family.

Those are my top three blessings of 2016. Of course, once I start, I can name plenty more. I’m always thankful for Tex-Mex and Lyle Lovett and novels and dogs.

Counting blessings helps us endure the hard times and enjoy the great times.

What are your blessings?

Follow Marv on Twitter: @marvknoxbs