Brazil: Serve in spite of fear

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I served in mid-summer at Igreja Batista de Esperança—Baptist Church of Hope—in Hortolândia, Brazil, as part of an 11-member missions team from Paramount Baptist Church in Amarillo. Our team included electricians, a dance teacher, an ESL teacher and evangelists.

Brazil church 400Kayla Bolin served with a team from Paramount Baptist Church in Amarillo at Igreja Batista de Esperança—Baptist Church of Hope—in Hortolândia, Brazil.One day, the pastor asked me during lunch one day if I would go on a home visit. I hadn’t had many opportunities to tell anyone about Jesus because of our limited number of translators, so I was excited—but extremely nervous. When walking to the home, my translator and the church member who escorted us invited me to talk to people on the streets along the way. My stomach began to turn, and I felt beyond anxious about sharing the gospel. Just as Paul talks about the thorn in the flesh in 2 Corinthians 12:1-10, I felt this could be a thorn that I could overcome only through the strength Christ and Christ alone gives.

Even after having a wonderful time talking to and praying with the couple whose home I visited, I was reluctant to stop and talk to the people we were passing as we walked back to the church. I wanted to be held accountable, so I told my translator how I was feeling. I had the same feelings during Beach Reach in March and even on my first mission in 2012 to Brazil. This feeling is not sinful, but how I choose to handle it or not to handle it could very well be. This life we live as Christians is about more than simply giving ourselves the label of “Christian” and wearing a cross necklace.

bolin 300With the help of a translator, Kayla Bolin reads a book, “Deus Ama Voce Come Voce E” (God loves you as you are), at a church in Brazil.We stopped to talk to three kids in the park, which is actually totally normal in Brazil. One of the girls took the information about the church and later called to find out more. You don’t always get to reap the seed you plant, but God allowed me to see that my words—or rather God’s words—were not spoken in vain.

To my surprise, but not to Christ’s, one of the men on our team, Joshua, preached a sermon that brought me back to the Go Now Missions Discovery Weekend back in February. I was seeking the Lord’s guidance. I found myself trying to rationalize my desire to go on mission, thinking that I can share Christ anywhere, so why not go elsewhere to do it. “Going on mission for a semester has to be in God’s plan, right? It’s an opportunity to make disciples and be 100 percent focused on that alone. That has to be acceptable in Christ’s eyes.” Unfortunately, this thinking came from a life of living day-to-day differently than I would on the field. And let’s be honest, if you aren’t sharing Christ at home, you won’t do it on a mission trip. Not as passionately and openly as you should, at least.

At the Discovery Weekend, God may have been talking to me, but I wasn’t listening. My small-group leaders brought their feelings of uneasiness about a semester mission to my attention. That’s s a reminder to me now on the importance of talking with fellow believers about your desires and where you feel God leading you, because it could be through the eyes and the hearts of others that God reveals where your own heart may be leading you astray.

Feeling confused and completely lost, I spent an hour—maybe more—in the prayer room crying out to God for direction about the semester ahead, rather than about the semester missions as I had during my first time through the prayer room. In my cries of desperation, I was able to see the walls I had built up to hide my unvented fears. I asked myself: “Am I afraid of being a missionary where I am? Could I possibly be one here? Am I afraid of going to Texas Tech to do your work,  Lord?” I felt my walls come down and my innermost fears come to the surface. “I do not feel adequate. I do not feel usable in my own hometown. How could God use me at a university like Texas Tech?”

All weekend. the ladies at Go Now had been telling us to be open to where God would send us. Acts 1:8 says, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” They encouraged us to think of where our Samaria is. Where are we afraid of being sent? Texas Tech was my Samaria. In fact, Texas Tech was my Nineveh. Everything in me wanted to run in the opposite direction and ignore God’s tug on my heart, but I felt the tugging. I knew where God was calling me.

Now, looking back on that stomach-turning nervous feeling I had walking the streets in Hortolândia, Brazil, I see the power of the Holy Spirit coming upon me. I do not see me telling anybody about the gospel, or my translator making sense of the jumbled mess I was speaking. I see Christ, in all his might and power, speaking in the hearts of those God stopped us to talk to. In all of these connections, I saw why I was supposed to be there.


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Brazil ballet 300A volunteer from Paramount Baptist Church in Amarillo teaches ballet to a group of young women in Brazil.Why I was supposed to be one of the youngest on a team of 11 heading from Amarillo to beautiful Brazil? God knew what he was doing when he put me on the plane four years ago to Brazil, and God knew what he was doing this summer when he put me on that plane once more. I had no idea why I was there, or what I was supposed to be doing. Others on the team had specific tasks and ministry opportunities, and I felt left out of the mix. Then, the pastor’s daughter told me how much the prayer I prayed over her the first night meant to her and how our team had impacted her life during those 10 days I was in Hortolândia. Is it possible God is calling you to simply pray over someone, or better yet pray with someone, in order to show Christ to them?

I am called to be a missionary because I surrendered my life to Christ. I am called to be a missionary not because of where I am going, but because of who lives in my heart. Whether I go to a new place for a semester, or just for a week, or even if I stay where I am, I am called to make disciples. You are called to make disciples where you are, whether you are being sent as a missionary or not.

During the time leading up to this most reason mission trip to Brazil, I did not think I was afraid of sharing the gospel. “What kind of missionary is scared to share? What would somebody think if they knew I was feeling this way as a missionary?” I had put the focus on me and my abilities and what others would think when it had nothing to do with either.

There is nothing special about the word “missionary.” There is something special about a person called by God. And the something special is God. The beauty of Christ crucified and resurrected is knowing that our God who has the power to raise the dead and calm the seas lives as the Holy Spirit in the hearts of those who accept him.

The beauty of God’s grace is knowing that we are his vessel that, just like the seas, God can move how he needs. What is hiding underneath is not hidden from God, and it won’t make it any more difficult for him to use us. Nothing can make it difficult, except an unwilling heart—which even he can soften. Forget about having the right vocabulary or having the courage to approach people. Christ is not limited by your fear of speaking or even the language you speak, or the number of coins you have in your piggy bank. It is because of Christ himself that he is able to move in and through us. Listen for God’s call. Put aside all that you think limits him. Our God is greater than it all.

Kayla Bolin, a student at Texas Tech University who served previously with Go Now Missions, served on a mission trip to Brazil with Paramount Baptist Church in Amarillo.


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