I no longer see the same familiar faces I saw for 10 days. There is absolutely no trace that they were even in the room. They only exist in my memory now, and that's hard to deal with. I began to build a relationship with my roommates, and before I knew it, they were gone. This feels so surreal. Why was I placed here to love on people and then they are removed from me?
I know I'm overreacting, but I came here to love on the Asians, and it feels as if they came to love on me. It's hard coming to an area with a mindset and goal and be completely shifted around. It hurts to know that they're gone. When each was leaving, I could not say "goodbye" but "see you later." I know the chances of that happening may be slim to none, but it gives me hope that I will see them again in the future.
I have hope that I will visit some of them if and when to Asia. That last words I said to my friend Filla was that the next time I visit her will be when she's getting married to her boyfriend. Tears raced down her cheeks as we hugged and had to part ways. I know that she was proud of me for opening my heart and loving her people. She has such a beautiful heart and spirit, and I hope she continues pursuing her dream because she has the potential to do anything she wants.
I don't know what to feel. I knew that this day was coming, but I didn't plan to have emotional attachment to the people here. I thought that it was going to be just me pouring love and not receiving it. But at the end, I was flooded by their love.
All I can do is sit and wait. Wait to see what the future holds for me. I strongly want to come back. My heart belongs here, nowhere else. If my life is planned out right, I can see my friends next year. I can only hope. Hope for the best.
Kevin, a student at Texas A&M University in Kingsville, has been serving with Go Now Missions in East Asia. His last name is withheld for security reasons.