Standing over the battlefield, looking down, knowing that there was so much blood shed there and visualizing all the solders fighting makes you catch your breath.
All I could do was just stand there in awe. I started thinking about all the people who were fighting and what they were fighting for. They believed in their cause so much that they were giving their lives for the cause. They were fighting to the death so that they would get the result that they wanted.
Then I started to think why am I here? I felt so small and insignificant standing on that battleground. I started thinking about my life and love for Christ. I asked myself: "Would I be able to fight for what I believe in the way these soldiers for were? Would I be able to fight to the death for Christ?" The fact that I couldn’t answer immediately is not a very good sign.
It wasn’t until the last night of our orientation that I finally sat down with Christ and really hashed out my feelings about what I felt and sensed from that place. I started to break down. In the mist of my tears, I finally figured out what God was trying to tell me. He wants all of me. The fact that he had to tell me through dying soldiers just goes to show you how stubborn I am. I had be able to be OK with the maximum before I could be OK with anything else. I need to surrender my life everyday for him—give my life over to his hands every day so he can use my life to bring glory to his name.
“But for me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:21)
Caitlin Campbell, a student at the University of Texas at Austin, is serving with Go Now Missions in Philadelphia.
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