Honestly, when I arrived in South Asia, many things made me extremely fearful. I was nervous about the darkness, depravity and spiritual strongholds. I was terrified about my extensive traveling schedule. But I think most the fear that consumed me grew out of feelings of inadequacy concerning my role in South Asia this summer.
This summer, I have been doing media documenting the work of summer missionaries here in South Asia. My role was to create mobilization and awareness materials. I desired to use my talents in cinematography to capture God’s work on film so others can join in the work that the Father already is doing here in South Asia.
Before arriving, I understood my role. However, Satan held such prevalent strongholds on me. I have been battling so much insecurity in my walk with the Father. I desperately felt I had to be perfect to earn his acceptance. Honestly, uncertainty crept its way in way too much.
Media deadlines
Regarding media, I was fearful of the deadlines and the final product I would have to turn in at the end of the summer. Satan was using the stress of perfection against me. Frankly, editing and media are very hard for me, and it’s not a joyful process. However this summer, God used media to teach me the depths of his love.
I do not think it had ever resonated with me that the Father knows me—really knows me. This summer, in the midst of my struggles with media, God was there and always has been there. I used to say, “Oh, I am a child of God,” but those words were so empty. However, this summer, I am exploring the intimacy that comes with the understanding that the Father knows me and loves me deeply. It has given me such supernatural confidence.
Set free in God’s love
I now understand what it means to be set free in God’s love. I am a beloved child of the King. I have been blessed this summer by the hardships of media. Although, it was difficult, I would not trade what God taught me this summer.
I have learned to rely utterly on the Father and believe God is sufficient and is a perfect provider. I have learned how to trust in the promises of the Spirit. Praise Jesus for leading me away from discouragement and into a life marked by confidence and power in the midst of my weaknesses.
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Rebecca, a student at the University of Texas in Austin, is serving with Go Now Missions in South Asia. Her last name is withheld for security reasons.
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